I have never been really good with death - truth be told, I am afraid of dying.
My fear in dying, lies in my fear of the unknown - or more appropriately, the idea of
"the Nothing".
If you've seen The Never Ending Story, then you know about "the nothing".
While in this movie it's envisioned as a wolf, the idea of nothing is what
makes me the most afraid of death. The idea that after I die - I simply cease
to exist.
For people who subscribe to the idea of existentialism, this is not scary at
all - this is the way things are.
But to someone who has a love of a life - and attempts to see beauty in all things
around her, this is a very scary thought. The idea that I could die - and no one
would have even known that I was here.
Lately I've thought a lot about death.
My grandfather died on April 4, 2010 (Easter Sunday).
In a way, his death on Easter Sunday, was ironic or maybe a better word would be appropriate.
It was kind of that day that I decided that I was really done with Catholicism. Especially after
his funeral - the reality is that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with that day.
I hated everything about his funeral - not just the fact that it happened, but I found
absolutely no comfort in it. I choose not to participate in it at all - I didn't want to
do a reading, I didn't want to bring up gifts (for some reason I recall there being communion during it,
which I just thought was highly inappropriate...maybe I'm wrong...by this point I had pretty much checked
out mentally).
And I get it - the idea is that their suppose to rise to a "new life in Christ".
I couldn't give a crap about whether or not about what he had been risen to - just as long as
he hadn't ceased to BE.
And I really doubted that day - I doubted because it was just so hard for me
to sit there and think about G-d or Jesus and think to myself - he actually knows the true. He knows
if there's something or not. Here we are all sitting here guessing, and he actually knows whether there's a heaven
or a hell. Or maybe - he doesn't, cause there's just nothing.
I then spent the next few weeks completely engrossed in death - I read tons of articles that sought to prove that
there was an afterlife - I thought about the principles of science that say that energy is neither created, nor destroyed.
It went a step further - I actually planned out my own funeral. I decided that I didn't really want a "funeral". I wanted a celebration of my life - a time where my friends (I hope to live to be REALLY FREAKIN' OLD so probably not to many of those will attend) and my family could come together and not mourn that I had died - but rather celebrate that I had lived. I didn't want a church service - in fact, I didn't really want any religious service at all. I just wanted people to come together - to connect, for my memory to live on. I also specified that my re pass, or "shiva" or whatever was to take place at Rutt's Hut. Everyone gets a "ripper", onion rings and a soda (you are all now praying to outlive me...I can feel it).
I'll pause here for a second - why didn't I want a religious service? After all, I'm converting to a new
religion, you would think I would want a Jewish service. And the answer, simply is - No. To put it less
simply, I feel that while there are times religion brings us together, there are also times that it
keeps people apart. Some people get hung up on their religion being "the only true religion". I don't
want someone sitting through a service, thinking that in their mind - using it as a means of separating
themselves or others from what the real focus is - shared grief and love for someone who is gone.
I wanted people to have the chance to get up - share a favorite memory, a feeling and be joined for
that. I hope that makes sense.
This past February, my Aunt Marcia died. This was an interesting experience in that my Aunt Marcia was Jewish, and this was actually the first Jewish funeral service that I have gotten to attend. As I had never been to a Jewish funeral, and never sat Shiva before I began to ask lots of questions about Jewish beliefs about death, burial and mourning.
I was actually surprised and a little disappointed about how little my husband knew about - but the reality is that
Sandy (yes, I am married to a dude with a woman's name...it's short for Sanford, and YES we have a son)
knew very little about it.
I talked to Rabbi Roston and she explained a good chunk to me about what to expect through the service, Shiva
after the funeral, and some general beliefs.
A few weeks ago - my bassoon teacher died. You may be reading that thinking that it's not a big deal. It is
to me. Jane Taylor, or as I called her "The Beautiful Jane Taylor" was the most amazing person I've ever met
and probably will ever meet. I went out with some of her friends, and we were all amazed at how we all knew
Jane, had completely separate relationships with her, and when you were with her - she had the ability to
make you feel like you were her soul mate.
Jane never had children - I asked her once if she had regretted it. She said that it had never been her intention
to NOT have children. She had always thought that it would happen eventually - and then before she knew it
her time had passed. She said that she looked at her students as her children.
I can think back now on some incredible times I had with Jane - happy times, sad times.
But what really hit
me hard about the whole thing was the fact that there was NO service. None at all - no funeral. Her
wish was that her body be donated to science (knowing Jane, the moment I heard that, I thought it was a very
fitting).
And I was enraged. I desperately wanted, no, I desperately NEEDED to be in a room with people who felt as
crappy as I did. Who were as angry about the fact that we didn't have more time with her (although, I guess since she was 79 we're not allowed to be too angry) and that we needed to share the one thing left that we all had
in common - grief.
And this got me thinking - about a lot of Jewish customs about death. Here are some interesting things I've learned.
When Jews die - in addition to the paramedics, or funeral home, you contact your local Chevra Kadisha (burial society).
These people ensure that the body isn't desecrated (whether on purpose or by accident) that it's cleansed and dressed
properly and that the body isn't left alone.
Shiva - which you probably know as the equivalent of a Jewish "wake" is the period of 7 days after the FUNERAL. It begins the day of the burial, and goes for 7 days. Unless the day of the funeral is the first night of Yom Tov (think
holidays like Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Passover) then Shiva is cancelled. This happened a few years ago to
my friend Dana when her fathered died - that night was the first night of Passover, and it was REALLY hard for her.
Mirrors are typically covered, no leather shoes are worn, and some mourners will tear their clothes. To learn more about paying a "Shiva Call" click here.
Jews also do not put out a tomb marker right away - while the marker may go up about 30 days after death, most will hold an unveiling about a year after the kaddish period (11 months, 30 days). To learn more about that, click here.
The thing I became the most fascinated by however - are the rocks.
If you've ever seen the end of Schindler's List, you'll notice that all the real life Schindler Jews, as well as their dramatic counter parts all pay tribute to the grave of Schindler and put rocks on top of it. When my grandfather died, I would take a rock, and place it on top of his gravestone when I went to visit. I even started to notice other little rocks creeping their way onto the marker, only to find out that my Uncle saw my rocks, and began to add his own. But I didn't really understand why I was doing it - I just
did it.
After a lot of research - here is what I've learned about the rocks.
(This copied from yahoo answers. To view the original with additional links, click here)
1. When the tradition started, grave monuments were mounds of stones. Visitors added stones to "the mound" to show we are never finished building the monument to the deceased.
2. to tell the visitors that followed that others had also visited the grave.
3. Symbolically, it suggests the continuing presence of love and memory which are as strong and enduring as a rock. And we know that one name for God is "The Rock of Israel." So the rock is a reminder of the presence of the Rock, Whose love truly is stronger than death.
4. It is a custom in all of Jewish tradition, not just at the Extermination camps. It is a sign of respect for the dead. It stems from the symbolism of making sure the burial site is noted by a stone marker. While adding a small stone doesn't really add a permanent marking to the site, it has evolved that this is the way an individual indicates participation in the process of marking a grave.
5. It is customary, before leaving the grave site, to place a small stone on the marker to indicate that someone has visited the grave. This tradition may also reflect the biblical practice of marking the grave with a pile of stones. Or, it may be the end result of the custom of writing notes to the deceased and pushing them into crevices in the headstone just as notes are pushed into the Western Wall in Jerusalem. When no crevice could be found, the note was weighted down with a stone. In time, the paper disintegrated or blew away leaving only the stone. Thus, some began to think that the leaving of a stone was the custom... and so it became the custom.
6. There is a belief, with roots in the Talmud, that souls continue to dwell for a while in the graves in which they are placed. In the Eastern European folk imagination, these souls -- even those that were benign in life -- can take on a certain terror in death. The stories of Isaac Bashevis Singer and the plays of the Yiddish theatre, rich in the mythology of Eastern European Jewry, are filled with these types of hauntings: souls who returned, for whatever reason, to the world of the living.
The practice of leaving stones atop a grave can be explained as a response to these beliefs. More than a simple marker of one's visit, stones on the grave are the means by which the living help souls remain where they belong -- in the grave where they do no haunting.
Another beautiful answer to the stones on graves question takes its cue from the inscription on many gravestones: the five-letter Hebrew abbreviation taf, nun, tsadi, bet, hey, which stands for "teheye nishmato tsrurah b'tsror haChayyim." This phrase is usually translated as "May his soul be bound up in the bounds of eternal life" -- a phrase wishing for eternal life for the departed.
Yet tsror (the fourth word of the Hebrew phrase) can also be translated as "pebble." Suddenly, the phrase takes on a more nuanced meaning, based on the historical significance of pebbles.
7. In ancient times, shepherds needed a system to keep track of their flocks. On some days, they would go out to pasture with a flock of thirty; on other days a flock of ten; the third day with fifty. As memory was an unreliable way of keeping tabs on the number of the flock that day, the shepherd would carry a sling over his shoulder, and in it keep the number of tsror, pebbles, that corresponded to the number in his flock. That way he could have an accurate daily count.
When we place stones on the grave, and inscribe the motto above on the stone, we are asking God to keep the departed's soul in God's sling. Among all the souls whom God has to watch over, we wish to add the name, the "pebble" of the soul of our departed.
After reading that - I decided that my favorite is #7 blended with a little bit of #6.
I'm going to stop there - I feel that if I go on, explaining - it would detract from whatever purpose, or meaning you
wish to give it. And that's what makes it wonderful.
Shalom
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Monday, April 30, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
"Is There a Proper Blessing For the Czar?"
If you've never seen Fiddler On the Roof, you're missing out.
At the beginning is a great song - Tradition! It's About....well, it's about Tradition. And if you know nothing of Judaism, you should at least know that Jews are firmly rooted in their sense of tradition.
During this song, a man asks the Rabbi a question -
"Is there a Proper Blessing for the Czar?" (If you didn't know, Czars were incredibly cruel to the Jews).
To which the Rabbi response - "A Blessing for the Czar? Of Course! May God Bless and Keep the Czar, FAR away from us!"
So where is this going?
Well - one night at dinner, my son asked me if there was a blessing to say before we ate. Having been raised Catholic, we would have said "Grace". But "Grace" at least the way it was said in my house, wasn't a specific prayer, rather a few improvised words of thanks to God for the food we had, the people we loved and hope for the future.
I don't know why - but I had convinced myself that Jews would be more organized than to just say a bunch of random stuff on the fly. And - I was not disappointed. There was just one problem -
THERE WERE SO MANY OF THEM!
Blessings over snacks, blessings for meals, blessings for meals with bread, blessing for meals without bread, blessings for vegetables, for grains....
I couldn't figure out which ones to say!
After quickly asking Rabbi Roston, she had the perfect solution - when in doubt, grab out a piece of bread and say the blessing for bread. DUH. (Ok, she didn't say Duh, I added that part...)
But it got me thinking -
What are some interesting Jewish blessings?
Here's a list like no other.
Blessing for when you see a rainbow -
At the beginning is a great song - Tradition! It's About....well, it's about Tradition. And if you know nothing of Judaism, you should at least know that Jews are firmly rooted in their sense of tradition.
During this song, a man asks the Rabbi a question -
"Is there a Proper Blessing for the Czar?" (If you didn't know, Czars were incredibly cruel to the Jews).
To which the Rabbi response - "A Blessing for the Czar? Of Course! May God Bless and Keep the Czar, FAR away from us!"
So where is this going?
Well - one night at dinner, my son asked me if there was a blessing to say before we ate. Having been raised Catholic, we would have said "Grace". But "Grace" at least the way it was said in my house, wasn't a specific prayer, rather a few improvised words of thanks to God for the food we had, the people we loved and hope for the future.
I don't know why - but I had convinced myself that Jews would be more organized than to just say a bunch of random stuff on the fly. And - I was not disappointed. There was just one problem -
THERE WERE SO MANY OF THEM!
Blessings over snacks, blessings for meals, blessings for meals with bread, blessing for meals without bread, blessings for vegetables, for grains....
I couldn't figure out which ones to say!
After quickly asking Rabbi Roston, she had the perfect solution - when in doubt, grab out a piece of bread and say the blessing for bread. DUH. (Ok, she didn't say Duh, I added that part...)
But it got me thinking -
What are some interesting Jewish blessings?
Here's a list like no other.
Blessing for when you see a rainbow -
Blessed are You, Lord our G‑d, King of the universe, who remembers the covenant, and is faithful to His covenant, and keeps His promise.
Baruch ata Ado-nai, Elo-heinu Melech ha'olam,
Asher yatzar es ha'adam be'chachma,
u'vara vo ne'kavim ve'kavim, chaloolim chaloolim.
Galooy ve'yadoo'a lifney Chi'seh Chevodecha,
she'im yipaseh'ach echad me'hem,
oh yisasem echad me'hem, ee efshar le'hiskayem ve'la'amod lefanecha.
Baruch ata Ado-nai, Rofeh chol basar u'maflee la'asos."
Asher yatzar es ha'adam be'chachma,
u'vara vo ne'kavim ve'kavim, chaloolim chaloolim.
Galooy ve'yadoo'a lifney Chi'seh Chevodecha,
she'im yipaseh'ach echad me'hem,
oh yisasem echad me'hem, ee efshar le'hiskayem ve'la'amod lefanecha.
Baruch ata Ado-nai, Rofeh chol basar u'maflee la'asos."
"Blessed are You, Hashem our G-d, King of the universe, Who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many hollows. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if even one of them ruptures, or if even one of them becomes blocked, it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You (even for a short period). Blessed are You, Hashem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously."
(Yes - that's a prayer for after you have a one night stand...)
(which I know I pray frequently, especially when traveling by plane)
There are lots of other prayers that Jews say as they go through the course of their day. I just thought that these ranked among the more...unusual. I won't say "weird". I think that using "weird" to describe someone else's cultural or ethnic believes is wrong and leans towards ethnocentrism.
But it just goes to show you that in over 3000 years, Jews have seen a lot, and know to give thanks to G-d.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
My First REAL Passover
This year I celebrated my first real passover.
Now - my husband and I have been married for almost four years, and this was our first "real" passover.
How can that be?
Well - our first year together our passover was kind of thrown together last minute. You see, at the time I was pregnant and beyond the point where the airlines would allow me to fly. If I remember correctly I was fine to fly down to Florida (where his parents and grandparents live) but by the time we would've come back, I technically would've been passed it. So - my parents helped me, and we put together a Seder. Since we were a bunch of gentiles, and didn't know too much about it, I got a haggadah from Shoprite (courtesy of our friends at Maxwell House) and went from there. For some reason, I don't remember a ton from that Passover. I think because my biggest concern was how dinner had turned out since i made a turkey breast and a brisket. I was also really pregnant, and had other things on my mind.
The following year I was pregnant - AGAIN. And I was working full time plus trying to get my business up and running. At that point, it was impossible for me to get off work to go to Florida for Passover. My husband took our son down, and I stayed home, pregnant and working.
The next year, my husband's nephew was born the week before Passover. Our plan had been to go up, have Passover and then the following day have his bris. However, my sister-in-law had some complications from her delivery and wasn't in the mood to do passover. So we ordered Chinese food...
Then...last year, I was in the same spot where I was running my business, had no one to cover for me so I could take a week off to go to Florida and wound up staying home alone. At this time I wasn't upset, cause I wasn't becoming Jewish yet, so Easter was still my "holiday". And while I wasn't overly excited about the holiday, I had plans to spend Easter with my parents and my children.
This year I was excited that it would be my first passover on my journey to become Jewish, and I wanted this to be a really special holiday. In our original vision of this Pesach we were going to be in Florida. However, due to the way the Easter falls (and my husband's work) we weren't able to do passover in Florida. Which meant that we were either going to Boston to my sister-in-law's or my husband's Aunt's house. Then - it became obvious what our plans were....we were having one night of passover at our house, and the second at my husband's aunt's. So I met with Rabbi Roston (the Rabbi helping me through this process). And she gave me some great books on the subject.
During my preparations for Passover, I came across a pamphlet of programs being offering at the temple on the subject, and the one that caught my eye, was about kashering your kitchen. I really wasn't knowledgeable at all on the subject - I remembered my mother-in-law telling me that you're suppose to look around the burn bread, but had no idea what that meant and thought that I should know something about it.
So - myself and a few other women met at the temple with Rabbi Roston to go over the subject. And I was fascinated by it. I learned about not only how to kasher my kitchen, but how things can become not kosher - we talked about different kinds of fish that aren't kosher (I don't really eat fish, and am sensitive to shell fish, so it was interested to learn what kinds of fish do and don't have fins and scales). I hadn't really given it much thought, but it was during this meeting that I decided that I was gonna go for it - after all, "Play big or go home" has kind of been my motto for the last few months.
I decided that not only was I going to kasher my kitchen, but I was also going to prepare an entirely kosher meal, separate dishes, and all.
My Menu -
I decided that I needed to obviously plan my menu ahead, to ensure that I wasn't going to do something stupid. Since I primarily eat meat (And that idea of an entirely dairy and parve meal sounded like a meal I would rather skip...) I decided to go meat and parve.
I made -
Matzo Ball Soup
Gefilte fish (aka the "Chicken McNugget of the Sea")
Turkey (Which I brined before I cooked it)
Mashed potatoes (which because of the way I make them, fall into the category of meat)
steamed asparagus with a "parve" margarine, white wine garlic sauce
and steamed broccoli.
For dessert, I made an Angel food cake (again parve) and then I picked up a non-dairy whipping cream that the Rabbi had recommended and made my own whipped cream.
A few notes on my Menu -
I HIGHLY recommend brining your turkey. It was probably the best turkey I've ever made, and wasn't really hard to do. I used a great spice (McCormick's Perfect Pinch - Garlic and Herb (Salt Free), and kosher salt. You can find basic brine directions on google. I had a spare mini fridge left over from college, which I set-up in my basement. My husband works at a restaurant, so I had him bring me home a kosher pickle put, and used a brine bag. I put the bag, and the turkey in the bucket, poured the cooled brine over it, and let it sit over night. It was FABULOUS.
My Mashed Potatoes - they're a little trick I picked up in Disney world. Instead of putting milk when you beat them, use chicken stock. It gives them more flavor, and I throw in some chopped garlic, and WHITE pepper (so it doesn't look like you flicked a cigarette into the potatoes). To keep them non-dairy, I used fleischman's margarine (it's the one with the green label) and it's totally parve. I also use red potatoes, as they tend not to clump up and be dry like the whites or Idaho ones.
I began the process of doing my Kitchen Thursday night, I seriously boiled everything in my kitchen, that I knew I could. Since I didn't want to have to do dishes after dinner, I went to BJ's where I purchased nice "Crystal" looking plates, and plastic ware that looked like silverware. You have no idea how great it felt after dinner to scrap dishes into the garbage disposal and then stick the plates in the recycling.
I also went to IKEA where I bought some inexpensive things like a few glass serving bowls/plates, green/red tongs (meat and parve) as well as cheap measuring cups (since I couldn't kasher mine) and any other serving items. I figured this was great, cause they were $1 or less, and were items I could use for next year.
Another great place I visited - the Dollar Store! I got red/green dish towels and sponges, and in some cases they were a few for a dollar.
I also HIGHLY recommend the Wine Library on the Millburn/Springfield Border. They had a nice selection of Kosher wines (not the usual two) and the man who helped me was very knowledgeable and helped me select wines that didn't give us uncontrollably facial spasms.
In my preparations - I must have seriously looked at about 20 different haggadah. I found one I liked, but it was missing somethings that I wanted. It was VERY important to me that it have English and TRANSLITERATED Hebrew. Most of the haggadahs I found were either entirely in English, or had English with only the Hebrew...not good for someone who hasn't studied Hebrew.
I took the Haggadah that I liked the most (link to that haggadah here) and sat at my computer where I copied a good chunk of the text. I created my haggadah so that there were two columns - the right column had English, the left was transliterated Hebrew.
Now - I know what your'e thinking - why did she have to make her own? I didn't HAVE to do anything. I wanted to add stuff in for my kids - I added songs like The Ballad of the Four Sons, a cute Seder plate song to the tune of This Old Man and Don't Sit on the Afikomen to entertain my kids. I also incorporated this cute video of a Jewish Rock Opera that Rabbi R had shown me. I want my Seder to be fun - I figured that theses were great ways to do it, and make it a meaningful holiday to my family. Creating this haggadah was one of the highlights of my holiday - I highly recommend doing it.
The day of Passover I may have driven everyone insane - considering that since I only have one sink, and I didn't have a tray for the bottom of it, there was no place in my house for dairy...and since I was using plastic cups for everything (Since I couldn't kasher mine) it made getting coffee that morning slightly difficult.
It was a great holiday - some things happened that I hadn't anticipated, and I learned a lot on the way.
Well - our first year together our passover was kind of thrown together last minute. You see, at the time I was pregnant and beyond the point where the airlines would allow me to fly. If I remember correctly I was fine to fly down to Florida (where his parents and grandparents live) but by the time we would've come back, I technically would've been passed it. So - my parents helped me, and we put together a Seder. Since we were a bunch of gentiles, and didn't know too much about it, I got a haggadah from Shoprite (courtesy of our friends at Maxwell House) and went from there. For some reason, I don't remember a ton from that Passover. I think because my biggest concern was how dinner had turned out since i made a turkey breast and a brisket. I was also really pregnant, and had other things on my mind.
The following year I was pregnant - AGAIN. And I was working full time plus trying to get my business up and running. At that point, it was impossible for me to get off work to go to Florida for Passover. My husband took our son down, and I stayed home, pregnant and working.
The next year, my husband's nephew was born the week before Passover. Our plan had been to go up, have Passover and then the following day have his bris. However, my sister-in-law had some complications from her delivery and wasn't in the mood to do passover. So we ordered Chinese food...
Then...last year, I was in the same spot where I was running my business, had no one to cover for me so I could take a week off to go to Florida and wound up staying home alone. At this time I wasn't upset, cause I wasn't becoming Jewish yet, so Easter was still my "holiday". And while I wasn't overly excited about the holiday, I had plans to spend Easter with my parents and my children.
This year I was excited that it would be my first passover on my journey to become Jewish, and I wanted this to be a really special holiday. In our original vision of this Pesach we were going to be in Florida. However, due to the way the Easter falls (and my husband's work) we weren't able to do passover in Florida. Which meant that we were either going to Boston to my sister-in-law's or my husband's Aunt's house. Then - it became obvious what our plans were....we were having one night of passover at our house, and the second at my husband's aunt's. So I met with Rabbi Roston (the Rabbi helping me through this process). And she gave me some great books on the subject.
During my preparations for Passover, I came across a pamphlet of programs being offering at the temple on the subject, and the one that caught my eye, was about kashering your kitchen. I really wasn't knowledgeable at all on the subject - I remembered my mother-in-law telling me that you're suppose to look around the burn bread, but had no idea what that meant and thought that I should know something about it.
So - myself and a few other women met at the temple with Rabbi Roston to go over the subject. And I was fascinated by it. I learned about not only how to kasher my kitchen, but how things can become not kosher - we talked about different kinds of fish that aren't kosher (I don't really eat fish, and am sensitive to shell fish, so it was interested to learn what kinds of fish do and don't have fins and scales). I hadn't really given it much thought, but it was during this meeting that I decided that I was gonna go for it - after all, "Play big or go home" has kind of been my motto for the last few months.
I decided that not only was I going to kasher my kitchen, but I was also going to prepare an entirely kosher meal, separate dishes, and all.
My Menu -
I decided that I needed to obviously plan my menu ahead, to ensure that I wasn't going to do something stupid. Since I primarily eat meat (And that idea of an entirely dairy and parve meal sounded like a meal I would rather skip...) I decided to go meat and parve.
I made -
Matzo Ball Soup
Gefilte fish (aka the "Chicken McNugget of the Sea")
Turkey (Which I brined before I cooked it)
Mashed potatoes (which because of the way I make them, fall into the category of meat)
steamed asparagus with a "parve" margarine, white wine garlic sauce
and steamed broccoli.
For dessert, I made an Angel food cake (again parve) and then I picked up a non-dairy whipping cream that the Rabbi had recommended and made my own whipped cream.
A few notes on my Menu -
I HIGHLY recommend brining your turkey. It was probably the best turkey I've ever made, and wasn't really hard to do. I used a great spice (McCormick's Perfect Pinch - Garlic and Herb (Salt Free), and kosher salt. You can find basic brine directions on google. I had a spare mini fridge left over from college, which I set-up in my basement. My husband works at a restaurant, so I had him bring me home a kosher pickle put, and used a brine bag. I put the bag, and the turkey in the bucket, poured the cooled brine over it, and let it sit over night. It was FABULOUS.
My Mashed Potatoes - they're a little trick I picked up in Disney world. Instead of putting milk when you beat them, use chicken stock. It gives them more flavor, and I throw in some chopped garlic, and WHITE pepper (so it doesn't look like you flicked a cigarette into the potatoes). To keep them non-dairy, I used fleischman's margarine (it's the one with the green label) and it's totally parve. I also use red potatoes, as they tend not to clump up and be dry like the whites or Idaho ones.
I began the process of doing my Kitchen Thursday night, I seriously boiled everything in my kitchen, that I knew I could. Since I didn't want to have to do dishes after dinner, I went to BJ's where I purchased nice "Crystal" looking plates, and plastic ware that looked like silverware. You have no idea how great it felt after dinner to scrap dishes into the garbage disposal and then stick the plates in the recycling.
I also went to IKEA where I bought some inexpensive things like a few glass serving bowls/plates, green/red tongs (meat and parve) as well as cheap measuring cups (since I couldn't kasher mine) and any other serving items. I figured this was great, cause they were $1 or less, and were items I could use for next year.
Another great place I visited - the Dollar Store! I got red/green dish towels and sponges, and in some cases they were a few for a dollar.
I also HIGHLY recommend the Wine Library on the Millburn/Springfield Border. They had a nice selection of Kosher wines (not the usual two) and the man who helped me was very knowledgeable and helped me select wines that didn't give us uncontrollably facial spasms.
In my preparations - I must have seriously looked at about 20 different haggadah. I found one I liked, but it was missing somethings that I wanted. It was VERY important to me that it have English and TRANSLITERATED Hebrew. Most of the haggadahs I found were either entirely in English, or had English with only the Hebrew...not good for someone who hasn't studied Hebrew.
I took the Haggadah that I liked the most (link to that haggadah here) and sat at my computer where I copied a good chunk of the text. I created my haggadah so that there were two columns - the right column had English, the left was transliterated Hebrew.
Now - I know what your'e thinking - why did she have to make her own? I didn't HAVE to do anything. I wanted to add stuff in for my kids - I added songs like The Ballad of the Four Sons, a cute Seder plate song to the tune of This Old Man and Don't Sit on the Afikomen to entertain my kids. I also incorporated this cute video of a Jewish Rock Opera that Rabbi R had shown me. I want my Seder to be fun - I figured that theses were great ways to do it, and make it a meaningful holiday to my family. Creating this haggadah was one of the highlights of my holiday - I highly recommend doing it.
The day of Passover I may have driven everyone insane - considering that since I only have one sink, and I didn't have a tray for the bottom of it, there was no place in my house for dairy...and since I was using plastic cups for everything (Since I couldn't kasher mine) it made getting coffee that morning slightly difficult.
It was a great holiday - some things happened that I hadn't anticipated, and I learned a lot on the way.
- I wound up leading our Seder. Which I hadn't planned on, since I have never actually been to one. But everyone said I did a great job.
- The Miriam's Cup is a great tradition to that if you don't do it in your Seder, you should consider adding. Don't know what I'm talking about? Learn all about it here! (Thanks Rabbi R!)
- I also learned that horseradish comes in both regular, red (for the beets) and HOT. I learned this lesson not at the store, but as every one's eyes were bugging out of their heads - thus curing anyone of any sinus conditions they had, or may have developed for a few weeks....
- I also learned that I made kick ass matzo ball soup, completely by accident. I had planned on buying them, but at $16 a bag, it was easier to use the free mix I got and make them. I also learned that Shoprite Kosher Chicken Broth is cheaper than their regular stuff...even when it's not on sale.
- Matzo balls expand when you cook them, and shouting "Holy Crap these balls are huge!" will inevitably be followed by comments like "That sounds like a personal problem..." or "That's What She Said..."
- With enough sugar and vanilla, no one will be able to tell that parve whipping cream isn't the real deal.
- Kosher for Passover Angel food cake - sounds like a good idea. And it's delicious, unless you ate three helpings of Turkey. Then it may be the last straw that breaks your pants - I mean camel's back.
- Chocolate matzo is not only delicious - it's parve!
- No one in our house has a high enough alcohol tolerance to make it through the whole Seder....
All in all it was a great holiday. I was very happy with how it turned out, and everyone seemed to love the food. In fact - my brother-in-law couldn't seem to get enough of the Turkey, and I ate way, way too much cake.
I hope you enjoyed your holidays and remember that Passover, is about the covenant with God - remember the final promise that you make with God...to tell your children the story. I hadn't learned that part until my preparations. It's important that we teach our children to value their freedom - there are so many in this world who are not, and it is very easy to take it for granted. In going through the Seder, and meal, I asked myself - which of the Four Son's did I want to be?
So now I put it to you - which do you think you want to be? And which would you want your children to be?
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Learning to Love Matzo Brei
My second passover with my husband, my father-in-law made Matzo Brei.
And I thought it was the nasty thing I'd ever eaten.
Today - my husband announced that he wanted to make matzo brei for breakfast. I instantly
cringed. I attempted to take over making it, so that I could find a recipe that didn't completely
suck. But in the end, relented and let him pick one out.
It was AMAZING. I put butter, and whipped topping and strawberries on it to
help, but in the end it was so good, I probably didn't need it.
Check out the recipe for yourself!
http://treataweek.blogspot.com/2009/04/sweet-matzoh-brei.html
http://treataweek.blogspot.com/2009/04/sweet-matzoh-brei.html
Friday, April 6, 2012
Deciding to make a Change
I wasn't born Jewish. I was raised Catholic - very catholic.
My parents are Irish and Italian and my Dad is very observant of holidays, traditions
and can even still say the entire mass in Latin.
For a long time I had actually given up on religion. The Catholic Church's views on things like abortion, birth control and homosexuality really didn't sit well with me. I couldn't be Catolic if I completely disagreed with some of the main political or ethical issues that are typically associated with being Catholic.
At the same time, I didn't think I could be protestant. Cause - deeper than the issues I had with the Church's teachings on those political issues, were my issues that I had with the core teachings of the faith. On Jesus, Mary and the idea of the trinity.
By the end of high school, I had stopped really practicing religion. But I was still looking for it - I was looking for something to believe in. I saw faith that my fellow students had, and was jealous. I saw them on 9-11 outside our dorm praying, asking for strength, asking for guidance and wished that I had faith like that.
Towards the end of college, I decided to take a class that had been highly recommended to me - Religion & Culture with Dr. Stephen Johnson at Montclair State. It was interesting cause it wasn't like any classes I had ever taken about religion.
Up until that point I had only taken classes at my church - this class had a different approach. It went thhrough religion, from the polytheistic to the rise Christianity. And what was great was that it explained the basic fundamental believes each faith had, as well as where they stood today.
I found a lot of things alarming about Christianity.
I learned that originally Christians were in fact Jews who kept kosher, and followed Jewish law (thick of Jews for Jesus). That the Council of Nicea was conducted in 325 where they debated and voted on Church teachings. From affirmin that Jesus was a deity, the idea of the trinity and to settle confusion and make uniform church teachings.
I also learned about how Jews had been persecuted because they were able to lend money for interest. Since Jews could lend money to gentiles and charge interest (which was forbidden for Christians to do) the Jews would lend money, charge interest and the monarchy would then heavily tax the Jews. It lead to people resenting Jews, and ultimately them being expelled from England, as well as other areas.
We learned about Islam, its origins and similiarities with Judaism, and helped me to understand and respect them during those heavily anti-mulism years.
Finally making our way through the Protestant Reformation, all the way to the Mormons.
It was incredible. I learned so much, and what made it great was that all the religions were presented in a way that respected all of them. No judgement was placed on any set of values as being superior or inferior to the others.
But it didn't answer my quest to find faith, or a set of believes.
I didn't explore religion too much then, but based on that class I knew that I was leaning towards Judaism.
I didn't give up on being Catholic though. That summer I went to Italy, and toured the Vatican.
During that trip I had a personal tragedy - I'd rather not talk about it.
But in that moment, I knew that I was done with Jesus.
When I was pregnant with my son, I had decided that I wanted him to pick his own religion. I had been raised Catholic, his father, Jewish and I didn't want to pressure him. I wanted him to learn about both sets of beliefs and make a deicision for himself.
He had a bris, and a baptism (comments to yourself).
Then a few months later, we welcomed a daughter.
But it wasn't until my son began attending Preschool at our Temple that I began to think that Judaism was the way to go for me.
I was interested in learning more about Jewish traidion. My son was doing Shabbat on Fridays at school, and was the "Shabbat Boy". My husband and I went to the school and watched him lead his friends in a Shabbat observance.
But it wasn't until the following year when he asked me "Mommy, why don't we do Shabbat at home?" That I finally was wondering - why don't we?
I hadn't been taking the kids to church - largely cause I didn't want to sit through it, and I didn't honestly think they would. But Shabbat can be done at home - so I figured we'd give it a shot.
The school has a program where you can sign-up to receive Challah every Friday throughout the year. We started doing it - and in the beginning it was really bad. I couldn't find my candlesticks, my kiddush cup....
But finally, we got it together. Then the Rabbi lent me a book "A Day Apart - Shabbat at Home" and it really helped...There were so many things about Shabbat that I simply didn't know. What little I knew of Shabbat had come from our son being the Shabbat Boy one Friday last year at preschool. What made it great, was that this book gave us little ways each week that we could add to our weekly Shabbat observance.
While I had mentioned to Rabbi Roston, that I was interested in converting, it never seemed that our schedules were jiving. There was one time that we had a meeting, and someone died. I didn't try too hard to reschedule, as I think that maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.
It wasn't until our preschool Chanukah Pajama Party, that I knew I was totally ready. I learned in that first meeting that I knew a lot more about Judaism then I had had really thought. I also felt a little overwhelmed by what I still had to learn. It's not an easy process - I think what makes becoming Jewish harder is that you have to at least learn to read transliterations of Hebrew, whereas Catholic and other Protestant sects are all in English.
(side note - my favorite note from the book that gave you a transliteration guide..."CH as in the sound you made while trying to dislodge a chicken bone from the roof of your mouth".)
I am really looking forward to continuing to learn, but it doesn't come without some concerns.
My parents are Irish and Italian and my Dad is very observant of holidays, traditions
and can even still say the entire mass in Latin.
For a long time I had actually given up on religion. The Catholic Church's views on things like abortion, birth control and homosexuality really didn't sit well with me. I couldn't be Catolic if I completely disagreed with some of the main political or ethical issues that are typically associated with being Catholic.
At the same time, I didn't think I could be protestant. Cause - deeper than the issues I had with the Church's teachings on those political issues, were my issues that I had with the core teachings of the faith. On Jesus, Mary and the idea of the trinity.
By the end of high school, I had stopped really practicing religion. But I was still looking for it - I was looking for something to believe in. I saw faith that my fellow students had, and was jealous. I saw them on 9-11 outside our dorm praying, asking for strength, asking for guidance and wished that I had faith like that.
Towards the end of college, I decided to take a class that had been highly recommended to me - Religion & Culture with Dr. Stephen Johnson at Montclair State. It was interesting cause it wasn't like any classes I had ever taken about religion.
Up until that point I had only taken classes at my church - this class had a different approach. It went thhrough religion, from the polytheistic to the rise Christianity. And what was great was that it explained the basic fundamental believes each faith had, as well as where they stood today.
I found a lot of things alarming about Christianity.
I learned that originally Christians were in fact Jews who kept kosher, and followed Jewish law (thick of Jews for Jesus). That the Council of Nicea was conducted in 325 where they debated and voted on Church teachings. From affirmin that Jesus was a deity, the idea of the trinity and to settle confusion and make uniform church teachings.
I also learned about how Jews had been persecuted because they were able to lend money for interest. Since Jews could lend money to gentiles and charge interest (which was forbidden for Christians to do) the Jews would lend money, charge interest and the monarchy would then heavily tax the Jews. It lead to people resenting Jews, and ultimately them being expelled from England, as well as other areas.
We learned about Islam, its origins and similiarities with Judaism, and helped me to understand and respect them during those heavily anti-mulism years.
Finally making our way through the Protestant Reformation, all the way to the Mormons.
It was incredible. I learned so much, and what made it great was that all the religions were presented in a way that respected all of them. No judgement was placed on any set of values as being superior or inferior to the others.
But it didn't answer my quest to find faith, or a set of believes.
I didn't explore religion too much then, but based on that class I knew that I was leaning towards Judaism.
I didn't give up on being Catholic though. That summer I went to Italy, and toured the Vatican.
During that trip I had a personal tragedy - I'd rather not talk about it.
But in that moment, I knew that I was done with Jesus.
When I was pregnant with my son, I had decided that I wanted him to pick his own religion. I had been raised Catholic, his father, Jewish and I didn't want to pressure him. I wanted him to learn about both sets of beliefs and make a deicision for himself.
He had a bris, and a baptism (comments to yourself).
Then a few months later, we welcomed a daughter.
But it wasn't until my son began attending Preschool at our Temple that I began to think that Judaism was the way to go for me.
I was interested in learning more about Jewish traidion. My son was doing Shabbat on Fridays at school, and was the "Shabbat Boy". My husband and I went to the school and watched him lead his friends in a Shabbat observance.
But it wasn't until the following year when he asked me "Mommy, why don't we do Shabbat at home?" That I finally was wondering - why don't we?
I hadn't been taking the kids to church - largely cause I didn't want to sit through it, and I didn't honestly think they would. But Shabbat can be done at home - so I figured we'd give it a shot.
The school has a program where you can sign-up to receive Challah every Friday throughout the year. We started doing it - and in the beginning it was really bad. I couldn't find my candlesticks, my kiddush cup....
But finally, we got it together. Then the Rabbi lent me a book "A Day Apart - Shabbat at Home" and it really helped...There were so many things about Shabbat that I simply didn't know. What little I knew of Shabbat had come from our son being the Shabbat Boy one Friday last year at preschool. What made it great, was that this book gave us little ways each week that we could add to our weekly Shabbat observance.
While I had mentioned to Rabbi Roston, that I was interested in converting, it never seemed that our schedules were jiving. There was one time that we had a meeting, and someone died. I didn't try too hard to reschedule, as I think that maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.
It wasn't until our preschool Chanukah Pajama Party, that I knew I was totally ready. I learned in that first meeting that I knew a lot more about Judaism then I had had really thought. I also felt a little overwhelmed by what I still had to learn. It's not an easy process - I think what makes becoming Jewish harder is that you have to at least learn to read transliterations of Hebrew, whereas Catholic and other Protestant sects are all in English.
(side note - my favorite note from the book that gave you a transliteration guide..."CH as in the sound you made while trying to dislodge a chicken bone from the roof of your mouth".)
I am really looking forward to continuing to learn, but it doesn't come without some concerns.
- I am slowly beginning to realize that I am becoming "More Jewish" than my husband, and even his family. Things that are important to me (like eating a completely Kosher meal for Passover) aren't important to them.
- I desperately want to be accepted by our congregation. I am realizing as I go more into this that this is probably a stress I have created for myself (as it turns out, the President-Elect for the Temple is a converted Jew, like I will be).
- As I go through this process, I have become fascinated about learning about ways in which Jews are persecuted. I realize that that sounds like a weird thing to be worried about. Truth be told, this comes from my mother, who strongly believes that my children should be raised Catholic (guess who ISN'T reading this blog...). I am a firm believer in the idea that hate is something learned - while growing up, I heard a lot of things said about different groups, some good, some bad. I've always attempted to make my own decisions - and I am hoping that as people like me have children, we will continue to raise children who are blind to the prejudices that have been perpetrated for centuries and see them for what they really are - unwarranted lies.
- That my family will think I betrayed them by not wanting to accept the faith they raised me with. If you are reading this Mom and Dad - this isn't about rejecting you. I respect the way you feel, I respect what you believe. You raised me to be a strong, independent thinker - if anything, this should prove to you that you did a great job.
So - here we go...the start of a long and incredible Journey....
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