And it Was Sufficient.

So - we're through the High Holidays, and made it through Sukkot and Simchat Torah. It was about this time last year that I finally began to think that I might be ready to start my conversion process. And now I'm reflecting back on the time that has passed since then.

I'm going to warn you that the first half of this blog is  more serious, and the second is more lighthearted.

I feel like I've study a lot of different topics, from the Holidays, Kashrut, and Mitzvot. But I told Rabbi R during our meeting the other day that I feel like I've studied, and read and don't know ANYTHING.

She said something that I think was meant to be reassuring. She said "I've studied for years and still don't feel like I know everything."

And it made me worry. As I've said before, I grew up Roman Catholic. When I was studying for confirmation you had to know EVERYTHING. And as someone who tries to be as knowledgeable about whatever subject I am studying, I never had came to the realization that the year of study for my conversion would be more of laying a foundation for a lifetime of study. 

And as I've spoken to more members of our congregation, and spoken with people about their Jewish education, I realized that we're all kind of in the same boat. Our education has been setup to teach us the fundamentals of what it means to observe the Jewish traditions and have a good understanding of the faith - your mission after you Bar/Bat Mitzvah or conversion (should you choose to accept it) is to spend your lifetime studying Torah, customs and mysticism and learn all you can (this message will NOT self-destruct.)

When I first began the process, one of the first books the Rabbi lent me was "Embracing Judaism as a Spiritual Practice - a Book of Life" by Michael Strassfeld.

I think the most interesting part of the book (or at least the one that stands out the most to me) is the introduction where he quotes Elie Wiesel's The Gates of the Forest. I'm going to let you read it, and then I'll fill you in on my reaction to it.

"When the great Rabbi Israel Baal Shem-Tov saw misfortune threatening the Jews, it was his custom to go into a certain part of the forest to meditate. There he would light a fire, say a special prayer, and the miracle would be accomplished and the misfortune averted. Later, when his disciple...had occasion...to intercede with heaven, he would go to the same place in the forest and say 'Master of the Universe, listen! I do not know how to light the fire, but I am still able to say the prayer.' Again the miracle would be accomplished.

"Still later, Rabbi Moshe-Lieb of Sasov, in order to save his people once more, would go into the forest and say: 'I do not know how to light the fire, I do not know the prayer, but I know the place and this must be sufficient.' It was sufficient and the miracle was accomplished.

"Then it fell to Rabbi Israel of Rizhyn to overcome misfortune. Sitting in his armchair, his head in his hands, he spoke to God: ' I am unable to light the fire and I do not know the prayer; I cannot even find the place in the forest. All I can do is to tell the story, and this must be sufficient.'

"And it was sufficient."

I read this, and thought to myself - well, I'm going to learn everything because for me that's sufficient for me. And I'm realizing now that I may need to let go of that. Because even in this story G-d is able to overlook your lackings, and embrace you for who you are able to be.

So - now we move to the more lighthearted....

So - at the end of my meeting with Rabbi R, she told me that I need to learn to read Hebrew...

She of course, presented me with The Hebrew Reading Crash Course. And all I could think was -

 "Can't I like...have a coloring book or something instead?"

And adding to our "sufficient" subject, she basically said that I was going to learn to read, THEN learn to select keywords I know and THEN comprehend. And we're back at that - foundation...

So - I mentioned before that I was learning to read Biblical Hebrew through http://www.memrize.com. I stopped because I realized that I didn't know how to speak what I was learning to read...guess I should have kept going....

At least she offered to find some people for me to form a Crash Course with...But I'd honestly rather go to...

HEBREW KINDERGARTEN!

Here we go...

AH as in Adonai....

CH as in the sound your throat makes when you have a fish bone stuck in it....

Shalom!

My Temple has FREE Shofar blasting on Rosh Hasanah...just NO FREE Pancakes.

So - I just survived Rosh Hasanah or Rosh Ha-Shanah...


I'm not going to go into detail on what exactly the Holiday is other than to explain that it is the Jewish New Year and is marked as the first 2 days of the Hebrew month Tishri. If you'd like to learn more about Rosh Hasanah please feel free to check out more about it here. 

So- I had high, yet impossible expectations for Rosh Hasanah -
You see, the night before Rosh Hasanah, I dreamed that you got FREE pancakes at services.
I think this has something to do with the fact that prior to going to bed, I saw an advertisement for Ihop.

Anyway - in my dream, you came to services, and they brought you out a plate of 3 light, fluffy buttermilk pancakes. Just like those...

Needless to say - they didn't give out pancakes at services. Nor do I believe that there are ANY plans in the works to serve free pancakes at services...on Rosh Hasanah, or any day for that matter. I would push for it for Yom Kippur but...well...never mind.

Anyway -Let's talk about what they DID have.

the Shofar...

The first time I heard the Shofar was at a service five years ago - and I seriously thought...

OH MY GOD WHAT THE [CENSORED] IS THAT?!?!

I was also confused because the Rabbi kept saying what sounded like..

"TEQUILA!"

I was confused and at the same time...disappointed, alarmed and suffering from temporary hearing loss. (FREE tequila could actually make up for the lack of FREE pancakes).

Not that this was what I was expecting, but it would've been an interesting spin on services....

But after some careful research I have come to learn that it's not TEQUILA but Tekiah...and that the other things she said were - Shevarim, and teru'ah and that they ACTUALLY tell you how many times to blow the shofar.


Honey...
This would be really exciting, except I'm allergic to honey. Which I guess would add an element of danger to the service...


How it went.
So -
I mentioned in my previous post that I volunteered to usher for services. I ultimately was placed at the seat assignment table which was good and bad.
It was good because as a newer member of the congregation, I got to meet about 80% of the congregation.
The bad part was that I met so many people, that I probably only remember about 40% of their names....

This was a really weird experience for me due to the fact that it was simply SO different from what I had grown-up with a child. Being raised catholic, you don't have tickets to come into the church, you don't have an assigned seat, and things that should be "honors" like carrying up the communion offerings, etc. Are done by anyone the usher can find at that moment...

We also don't have security (at least none that I noticed then) at the church. The only police around were there to direct traffic coming out of the parking lot. The best part of going to church was the fact that I found it so witty that they had signs along the yellow curb that read - "THOU SHALT NOT PARK". 

I'll be honest - the amount of security, while I realize necessary was also disconcerting. I've never belonged to a group of people who were openly persecuted. (I would blog more about this, but I think it would get REALLY heavy - I will save this idea, as we get closer to Shoah (the Holocaust memorials).

In the end I spent both days of the Holiday helping people get an assigned seat in the temple.
And it was GREAT. I wish I had been able to sit through more of service (which was tough with my kids) but getting to meet everyone, feeling like I was contributing to the temple, and helping bring our community together made everything worthwhile.

I DID get to listen to the Rabbi's sermon. I will give her a lot of credit. I took public speaking in college, and while I do very well with public speaking, I'm not entirely sure that I could come up with or provide spiritual guidance like that. I honestly believe the only reason that I'm able to write this blog is that fact that I do it WHEN I feel motivated...

The reality is that when you're the Rabbi, you have to be ALWAYS motivated. I don't think people know and/or appreciate how hard that can be. Our Rabbi is a wife - a mother AND a Rabbi. While she may only have one kippa on her head it's still A LOT of kippas to juggle.

It's fitting that her sermon was on - "Is it possible to have it all?"

As a business owner and a mother, I strive myself to have it all. But it's very different. I don't think that my clients spiritual salvation rests on whether or not I planned the correct # of push-ups for a particular workout.
The sermons she gives has the ability to shape opinions, create passion, anger, and spring people to action. It comes with GREAT responsibility - her's is a position that I do not envy.

What I find truly remarkable about Rabbi R is that for a woman wearing so many hats, she seems to balance them well. This is a balancing act that not many people can do - and I give her tremendous credit.

Ultimately her sermons were on Tikkun Olam (healing the world) and bringing Shabbat in our homes.
(I'm not even gonna touch Shabbat, ya'll remember what a fiasco that turned into thanks to a certain other Rabbi and some DELICIOUS cheese bread...)

Tikkun Olam is something I"ve brought up before. What was interesting was that she actually talked about where it comes from...as it DOES NOT appear in the Torah, the Talmud or the Kabalah. She gaves us all the contexts it appears in, and then almost posed the question that is it possible to have it all (linking back to women having it all) but meaning to truly heal the world...(at least this is how I took it...I could be slightly wrong, but the reality is that during most of this part, my kids were freaking out over some plastic elephants they found in the sanctuary toy basket...so we'll pretend cause it's THIS interpretation that sprang me to action).

I'm not sure that we could ever truly heal the world - but I honestly can think of no more beautiful a goal.
As a mother, I worry tremendously about the world that we are leaving our children. I have recently taking to look back on history from when I was approximately their ages...wondering if my mother worried about the same things.

I kind of went on a little Tikkun Olam spree last week -
I was in the city playing in a memorial concert for Jane Taylor (I mentioned her in a previous post) and ordered two slices of pizza while in NYC. On my way to pickup my food, there was a homeless woman collecting money.

Most people look at her and think - She's gonna use the money to buy drugs! She's gonna use the money to buy alcohol!"

I only had a debit card...so I walked by.

But when I got my slices of pizza, and my soda (which were HUGE) I felt a pang of guilt. Here I was -  with more food than I could eat, and more to drink than I could possibly, and she was sitting on the street.

I wrapped up one slice of pizza...asked for a kid cup and poured out enough soda for me to drink. I then took the rest of it and gave it to the homeless woman. She was greatful - and I left knowing she had been fed, and that was enough for me.

The following day, I picked up bagels for my family. While I was walking into the bagel shop, a homeless man was sitting on the curb. He asked me - "Will you buy me some butter toast, and a coffee?"

I told him - "You better tell me how you want the coffee, or it's coming out black."
When I ordered everything, and asked the girl to rush the toast and then ran it outside, she asked me if I had bought it for the man outside. I told her yes - she told me that he can sit out there for DAYS and no one will do anything to help him.

And in that moment I felt as though I hadn't done enough - I went back outside to ask him if he needed anything else...a sandwich for later, a bottle of water. But he had left. I've stopped by the bagel shop for the last week but haven't caught him again...

I remember seeing the movie The Adjustment Bureau. The man helping out Matt Damon (his name is HARRY) talks about the "Chairman" -

Harry Mitchell: No! You've met him though, or her. Everybody has. The Chairman comes in a different form to everyone, so people rarely realize when it happens.
David Norris (aka Matt Damon): Is this...some sort of test?
Harry Mitchell: In a way. It's all a test, for everybody.

I was asked yesterday if I would be interested in volunteering at the inter-faith food pantry. I thought of the woman on the street in NYC, the man in front of the bagel shop in South Orange, and I said yes without hesitation. 


I can honestly say that I have now been tested- whether or not I pass is another matter. But I'd like to think that I'll at least get partial credit. 

I can't help you help the world - the reality is that NO we can't have it all, and we can't do it ALONE. It's everyone working together, that will heal the world. 

My part may be as simple as listening to someone who needs a friend, or buying toast for a homeless man or sorting through bags of food in a pantry for the needy. For all I know, the Chairman has something bigger in mind.

I advise you to just be on the lookout - you never know where the Chairman will turn up. 


I end with wishing you and your family a "Shona tova". May your Shona Kick Tochas.
Shalom.

And I leave you with the sounds of the Shofar
(and a note that you should push your temple to include FREE pancakes next year. I bet it'll increase attendance at services. If not, I'll buy you pancakes)

Schlemiel! Schlemazel! - a JIT's Guide to Jewish Humor (Part I)

I start this post off as a Part I. Don't ask when Part II will be posted...I am going into this with the assumption that this could easily be an ongoing saga....

I promise after the Holidays to post a deeper reflection based on the Holidays and my experiences, but today I feel like I need to be lighthearted.

How this started...

As you can tell by the date, we are getting ready for the High Holidays - which I can't say right and I'm not referring to the words "Rosh Hasanah" or "Yom Kippur" either...I mean I can't say "High Holidays".

What does she mean she can't say "High Holidays"?

Ok - here's how it started....

(THIS IS A TRUE STORY)

A few months ago, my mother called a business to discuss their pricing. The man on the phone
(who had a really thick accent) said - "That's the price on all days, except for the Holy Days".

After she got off the phone - she calls me and says - "What are the Holy Days?"
I told her that there are a lot of Holy Days - which religion?

She said she wasn't sure...so we began to look up Holy Days...
I won't bore you...but there are A LOT of Holy Days around the world.

Finally - I told her to call the guy back and just ask him what Holy Days he meant.

Here is the conversation VERBATIM -
My Mom - "Yes, Hi I called before and you said that the price is the same on all
days, except the HOLY DAYS. Which HOLY DAYS are you referring to?"

The Man with the THICK Accent - "You know, the Holy Days - Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day..."

So - since then, I have continued to pronounce "Holiday" as HOLY DAYS.
I know it's terrible....but in this instance it's ok...cause these literally are the HIGH HOLY DAYS.


Anyway -
I find myself coming upon Rosh Hanasanah!
The Jewish New Year!
I'd like to truly believe that...

We start - with "Shana Tovah". Literally - Happy New Year.
So - I need to start by wishing you and your loved ones...






Ok - So this year I decided that I didn't just want to come by and sit through services. I wanted to become involved, and perform a Mitzvah! So I volunteered to be an usher...
I receive an email with a list of things to do, and procedures...here was the issue.
Some of the stuff I had NO IDEA what it meant, so I emailed the usher coordinator to ask.
Here are my ORIGINAL questions -

1. What are "honors"? 

2. What is a "Gabbaim"?

3. What is a "Morah"?

4. What is appropriate dress for ushers? 

5. Do I have to wear a kippa?

Here is the response I received from my new friend Pete (at least I'd be honored to call Pete my friend!)

You are asking this from someone who was once a member of the Congregation for Humanistic Judaism in Westport, CT. We were just this side of Unitarians. Our building I called ‘Our Lady of B’nai Brith”.

Taking each question as they come:

1.      Honors-Certain members of Beth El, in recognition for their service to the congregation throughout the year, are ask to participate or assist in the service., i.e. open and close the ark, recite an alyah, hold the Torah.

2.      Gabbim-No, it does not mean someone who talks a lot. The gabbim also assist in the service by directing those with honors to go to the bima and help with moving the service along

3.      Morah-When Cantor Fine was at Beth El, his wife was referred to as Morah Micki. It actually means teacher. However, when I am fund raising I would ask those who donate to give morah. You pick the definition.

4.      As an usher, you wear what you would ordinarily wear to synagogue for the high holy days-basically tasteful. A strapless gown would not be appropriate. Jeans would not be appropriate. Beyond that-I ain’t goin near it.\

5.      You do not have to wear a kippa but it would be nice but not mandatory. However, if you are called to the bima, it is best to wear a kippa.

To sum up this irreverent response, you may not be a recipient of honors. However, you are doing a mitzvah by volunteering to be a gabbim or an appropriately dressed usher, with or without a kippa. We could not ask for anything morah.

As part of your being a Jew in training perhaps you should also understand a bit of Yiddish. For example, chutzpa is defined as someone who kills his mother and father and pleads on the court’s mercy as an orphan. A schlemiel is a person who spills coffee. A schlamazel is the person on whom the coffee was spilled.

(btw - I will totally do an upcoming blog dedicated to Yiddish...)

This completely messed with my head...Why?

Cause this is the only Schlemiel & Schlemazel I knew...

So - I wasn't sure what it means. But I know this...they're doing it their way...just like I'm doing it my way. It's something we both have in common with Burger King.

So - I began to look into what Schlemiel & Schlemazel mean...
Here's what I found.



Ok...
So this explination now brings me to these two Schlemazels -




Anyway - so then I became fascinated with Jewish Humor.

Here is a sample of the article I read on myjewishlearning.com about the History of Jewish Humor...

Jews have been seeing the humor in their lives for a very long time. The Bible itself recounts how Sarah laughed when told she'd have a child, and our forefather Isaac is named for that laughter. The Talmud, particularly in theaggadic (narrative) sections, is replete withwitty asides and repartees, and in one famous account, the Talmud speaks of even God laughing. (Consider the theological implications of a God with sense of humor!) During the medieval period, the valuation of humor was institutionalized in Jewish communal customs, perhaps most famously in Purim shpiels, comic plays based on the book of Esther, which continue today in Jewish communities across the globe.But Jewish humor as a distinctive cultural phenomenon first lights up in 19th century Eastern Europe. There, in the marketplace, the synagogue, and in the home, the Jewish joke developed into its own recognizable species. The shtetl (village) became home for the new Jewish-humor folk tradition--stories of the fools inhabiting the town of Chelm but one example. Sustaining and enriching this street humor were new Jewish texts. Jewish writers--including Mendele Mokher Seforim, Sholem Aleichem, and I.L. Peretz, along with playwrights such as Abraham Goldfaden--mined the bittersweet grumbling of the Jewish ethos and produced lasting classics of Jewish humor, which in turn fed the comic banter of Jewish daily exchange.Jewish humor, insists one standard view, is all about coping: Jews were miserable, and laughter kept them going. Jewish psychologists further deconstructed Jewish humor as introjections of this external hostility--in other words, self-mockery. Freud writes, "I do not know whether there are many other instances of a people making fun to such a degree of its own character." Other commentators suggested the Jewish jest is a survival tactic: By altering one's perspective, the Jew can accept the unsympathetic world for what it was. "Want to alleviate your big-time worries? Put on a tighter shoe," advises the Yiddish proverb. 

And I found this incredible. I've always said that I had to laugh at my life - or I'd cry. And here I thought I was original....

I look forward to further study of Jewish Humor...and am looking forward to the High Holy Days....
I know this for a fact!

I forgot!
I think my town has created a limo service just for me -well, really for any JITs or Jews-in-Training

The Maplewood Jitney

(and it stops right in across the street from my house! How's THAT for service?!?)

Go Forth My Minyan!

So -
I met with Rabbi Roston on Sunday. I learned a lot.

It started with me asking her to read my last blog - I decided that since I went on about Pondi Kesso that I had to bring her some, so I made her two of my favorite varieties - garlic chive and sun dried tomato.

Fearing that my non-kosher bowl would make her not want to eat them, I cooked them and wrapped them in tin foil and hurried off to the schul. This is an artistic interpretation of what I looked like...

So I show up and give her the Pondi Kesso - and she's "not hungry".

Figures!

BUT - she has had Pondi Kesso and thinks they're AMAZING.

Only one word can describe how I felt at that moment - AMAZING.

Her reaction to my blog - "WHAT DOES HE MEAN YOU CAN'T OBSERVE SHABBAS? EVEN THE GOYEM OBSERVE SHABBAS, THEY JUST DO IT ON SUNDAY!"

We then entered the Q & A portion of my meeting...And there was something I wanted to ask her about. Our conversation went something like this...

Me - "Something happened on Friday...something fell on Shabbas and I wanted to ask what it was."

Rabbi R- "Yes, the Munich 11."

Me- "No, it had a Jewish Name. It's like - the day all this crappy stuff happened to Jews in History".

This was where she got quiet - She explained that the day I am referring to is

Tisha B'Av

 (Hebrew: תשעה באב‎ or ט׳ באב, "the Ninth of Av,") is an annual fast day in Judaism, named for the ninth day (Tisha) of the month of Av in the Hebrew calendar. The fast commemorates the destruction of both the First Temple and Second Temple in Jerusalem, which occurred about 655 years apart, but on the same Hebrew calendar date.^[1] Although primarily meant to commemorate the destruction of the Temples, it is also considered appropriate to commemorate other Jewish tragedies that occurred on this day, most notably the expulsion of the Jews from Spain in 1492, one of the concluding events of the Iberian Reconquista.^[2]Accordingly, the day has been called the "saddest day in Jewish history".^[3]


She then explained that it's a FAST day...she said "I was trying to avoid bringing it up, cause it sounds like you had a rough couple of days."

I learned a few important things -

1. My feelings are important to Rabbi R
2. It's wrong to bring your dietitian chocolates at your first meeting
3. It's wrong to bring you Rabbi food on Tisha B'av (even if it's kosher crack bread, I meant CHEESE bread)

Here is an artistic interpretation of how I felt at that moment -

So - We continued to talk and we established that YES I can go to Morning Minyan and as I suspected I don't count toward the qourum of 10 Jews (at least not yet!)

We also established that I needed a job title. My previous Job title - "Gentile" no longer fit my job description, but I haven't grown into my new role as "Jew" so we established that I am a "J.I.T. = JEW-in-TRAINING"!

There is apparently another term used - but for some reason this one has stuck with me... so I'm running with it people....kinda like this...

It wouldn't be fair not to include an artistic representation of Rabbi R -

(please mentally subtract wings and add brown hair and a KIPPAH)

So I am really pleased to say that this morning I attended a morning Minyan!

A Minyan is...

A minyan (Hebrew: מִנְיָן‎ lit. to count, number; pl. מִניָנִים minyanim) in Judaism refers to the quorum of ten Jewish adults required for certain religious obligations. According to many non-Orthodox streams of Judaism, adult females count in the minyan.^[1][2]

The most common activity requiring a minyan is public prayer. Accordingly, the term minyan in contemporary Judaism has taken on the secondary meaning of referring to a prayer service.

So That's This Many Jews...

and this morning...this many Shiksas...

So - at morning minyan you go through the prayers that are required to observe morning services. During these prayers you are required to wear a kippah, a Tallis or Tallith (you say tomato...) and Teffilin .

For some reason - the first time I saw the word "Teffilin" I thought it was Teflon and got excited because I thought - "Jews are so Crafty, they invented and wore Teflon!"

I just want to say that that is NOT the case. I also want to say that I read it the first time while incredibly tired, and possibly on Pondi Kesso...

To claim that Jews invented and wear teflon makes me look like this....

In reality - Tefillin are the cube-shaped black leather boxes, containing four scriptural passages, attached to the head and arm and worn during the morning prayers.

so - of course on the one morning I DON'T have to wake up at 4 am to work, I wake up at 7:30...giving me a whole 15 minutes to get up, get dressed and get to the temple. For some reason, I was completely freaking out about what to wear - so I guess you could say I kind of "dressed for church". I put on a nice dress, a cardigan and ran out the door.

Well - I missed the memo or the email and was probably the most overdressed person there. The only person dressed nicer than me was a guy going into work after we were done...

Now Rabbi R had told me to find a nice guy named "Sam" who would be my guide through the service. It wouldn't be far not to give Sam an artistic rendering so here's my new pal, Sam -

So - Sam did a great job of making me feel welcome. He grabbed me a Siddur (prayer book) and tried to explain the ins and outs of services.

In my opinion, Morning Minyan could be an Olympic Event. I don't think I've ever attended a prayer service, or any meeting of people for that matter that went this fast and had the routine down this pat.. And what made it confusing is that the siddur is in Hebrew on the right side, English on the left (which no on really reads) and some little pieces are transliterated (that's where they spell it out foe-net-ic-ly = )

Thank God for the person who used this particular siddur before me - they took pity on a poor girl and wrote in "SIT, STAND, and BOW" in the appropriate places so I didn't look completely stupid. 

Sam was also very helpful in telling me what pages we were on, as the service changes based on the days of the week, particular months and periods between seasons and also based on what number the hebrew year is divisible by (it's kind of confusing). 

Things I wish I had known before I walked in -

•  They collect Tzedakah during service. This is kind of like the collections in a catholic mass, however the group picks a needy local organization to donate the money to. Sam said last year they rasied $7,000 for a local organization (not too shabby)
• It is not standard to have TWO Tzadakah cups or boxes as this minyan did. I asked Sam what the significance was, and he explain it's roots - two people brought in cups, they liked both and used both. At first they were doing 1 local and 1 national charity but that was too much to track, but they still liked both cups...I can accept that.
• A function of the morning minyan is to say Kaddish. Kaddish is prayer usually said to break up sections of a service, but the most well known Kaddish is the Mourner's Kaddish which is said after the death of a friend or family member. Morning Minyans are used as a way for those in morning to meet with other Jews and pray for departed loved ones.
• Morning Minyan is not a fashion show.

After minyan we had breakfast! On Tuesdays they eat bagels and lox...in my future culinary studies, I will need to learn to like lox and eat less Pondi Kesso...maybe if they develop a lox and cream cheese one....hmmmm...

It was very short - but I really liked it. I can't even describe why. Maybe it's because it's a tradition. Sam was explaining to me that on certain days they take out the torah, and how this comes from the tradition of there being a market on those particular days.

This is definitely a service that I wan to learn more about - I plan on going back next Tuesday.

Here's to another adventure on my journey to become...

A Real Jew.

I'll just keep wising Upon a  -

Shalom!

Gentiles to the left of me - Jews to the Right...Here I am, Stuck In the Middle.

I apologize that I took a break from blogging.

My business celebrated it's 3 year Anniversary which may not sound like a big deal, but I own a franchise that has a 3 year minimum contract, so this marks the start of my new 3 year commitment. I'm pretty stoked.
If you're interested you can check my business out on facebook and view photos from the party as well!

So - lots has happened, I think the easiest way to explain this is in chronological order.

Right after my last blog, I met with Rabbi Roston, and she determined that too much of my Jewish study was coming from the internet. We were also on the subject of animals (I can't remember why) and she mentioned that feeding your animal before you yourself eat was a Mitzvah. So she gave me a book to read about Mitzvahs (here's a link to the book if you're interested).

So I began to learn about Mitvahs, focusing mostly on prayer (after I read about animals of course). As you've read in previous blogs, I'm very interested in learning and praying properly. So we've begun to incorporate prayer into our daily lives by saying the Shema with the children before bed, and in the morning as well as praying before meals. I also had lots of questions about prayer - do you were a kippah when you say the Shema? As a non-Jew, and non-member of the congregation was I allowed to attend a morning minyan to see what it's about?

This leads to a.....

FUNNY STORY!

I was out for a Mom's Night Out event and decide to get farshikkert (drunk as a skunk).

One of the moms in the group is more orthodox in her Judaism and I had leaned over and ask - "Hey Paula - Do you Shema With Your Kippah on?"

The following morning, everyone believe that they knew the "Jewish Word for Sex - It's SHEMA!"

Oye Ve!

Anyway -

Moving to the conflict in this bigger story.

I am OBSESSED with Pondi Kesso. Long story short - they're kosher gluten-free cheese breads. (The Garlic and Chive is AMAZING!)

I was in the frozen food section buying some, and have a TON of coupons cause the guy who did the sampling gave me enough to tie me over until Chanukah.

There was a Rabbi and his wife near the case where they keep the Pondi Kesso, and I was talking to them. It was Friday and I was shopping for Shabbas - and yes, I have Challah at my table on Fridays, but there must be crack in these cheese breads cause I like to have those too.

I offered the Rabbi a coupon for the cheese breads, but since he couldn't verify if the milk itself was kosher (which this whole thing upset me to the point that I emailed the company and YES it was) I understood that he wanted to pass on the breads.

He then asked me what congregation I belong to - and I explained that I don't belong to a congregation, but that I was in the process of converting with Rabbi R at Congregation Beth El. 

I then brought up my question about the morning minyan - and he said that I could attend during my conversion period, but obviously don't count toward the quorum of 10 Jews. He then said "You can participate and observe everything fully, EXCEPT SHABBAT".

WOOH! He just said that I couldn't fully observe Shabbat. But I was so shaken up that I didn't ask what he meant by that. And of course, I was afraid of him yelling at me (Since I had a shopping cart full of stuff for our weekly Shabbat dinner) and quickly grabbed my addictive cheese bread and RAN (with my coupon in hand).

This really bothered me - and I'm not sure if I can convey why. It's the first time during my journey into Judaism that I've felt like I didn't fit in that I wasn't at least considered a Jew-in-training. And what made it worse was the fact that I couldn't shake it.

That Sunday was our picnic for the temple - I was excited because it was an event that I had helped to plan (for the past few months I've been sitting in with the temple membership committee) and since we weren't members of the temple, it was my first real synagogue event. 

And I'm really sorry to say that I had a mixed time. And the sad part is that it was all because my head was completely messing with itself. I felt like I didn't belong - but it wasn't because anyone or anything happened that should have made me feel that way.

I just felt VERY aware that they were all Jews, and I wasn't. And I actually feel really crappy saying that because the other members of the committee (Sheryl, Marci, Lemor, Samantha, Dina, Aviva, Jessica and many others) all really tried to make me feel included, and were nothing but supportive.

I just felt like an impostor - a total poser. And I felt like taking part in it was in some way keeping other real Jew from being a part of it. 

And from there it got worse -

My husband's Aunt Sylvia died. Aunt Sylvia was one of the most amazing people I had ever met. She always had a compliment, always a smile, and this way of building you up. 

The first real Shabbat I hosted (which according to the Rabbi at Shop rite, I had no business hosting) and even thought it wasn't the world most perfect Shabbat, she was supportive, and praised my first efforts.

We went to her funeral which was PACKED with friends, and family at another near by temple. The Rabbi seemed nice, and had lots of wonderful things to say about her. 

We drove down to the cemetery and were among the first to arrive. This Jewish funeral was different from the only other one I've been to (my Aunt Marcia's). My Aunt Marcia's funeral was VERY reformed - we didn't touch ANYTHING. It was just a brief prayer service and Kaddish (Jewish prayer for the dead).

However, when we go to Aunt Sylvia's funeral there was a LARGE mound of dirt, with three shovels. I said to Sandy (my husband) "What's with this cemetery, they couldn't hide the dirt so people don't have to look at it?"

He then explained to me that it's a custom to take a handful of dirt and throw it on top of the coffin.

Now - most of the funerals I've been to, they hand you a flower to place on the casket. So this was news to me. I was also confused when they moved the coffin over and then IMMEDIATELY lowered it (also not common at a Christian Burial).

The Rabbi then explained to us that it was a MITZVAH to bury the dead (FOR THE RECORD...THIS WAS NOT IN THE BOOK RABBI ROSTON GAVE ME!)

 He explained that there were several shovels and that we should take them, beginning with the spade side DOWN and bury her until the casket was COMPLETELY COVERED. He also said that we were not to hand the shovel off to the next person, but put it back into the mound to show that we were  not eager to carry out this Mitzvah.

Now - I think I've mentioned that I don't do well with death. I usually need two Xanax just to get out of the car, forget actually BURYING SOMEONE.

I was in no way shape or form prepared for this. 

I also had that Rabbi from Shop rite in my head - was I allowed to take part in burying her since I wasn't Jewish. He said I could participate in other things, but for some odd reason I don't recall burying someone coming up while we were discussing Shabbas and kosher cheese bread.

And so I decided that since I wasn't about to ask the Rabbi there (cause he was focusing on making sure that the coffin was covered and I mean COVERED before the service continued...in 98 degree weather) that I would abstain from burying Aunt Sylvia.

And of course - it was eating at me. In wanting to embrace becoming Jewish and do God's commandments and follow the laws, I felt like I was almost breaking them just by observing because I am not Jewish.

And that's when it hit me what was REALLY bothering me.

I had reached this weird middle ground - where I am not catholic (at least I don't consider myself to be) but at the same time, I'm not technically Jewish (although because I wasn't born Jewish, to some I'll never be). I'm stuck in the middle, and thanks to my head, am doing a pretty good job of making sure that I feel completely alienated there.

I met with Mary Beth, our temple director, this past Monday. While my purpose of meeting with Mary Beth wasn't to talk about my feelings, I felt like she was the perfect person to talk to about it because she is also converted from Catholicism. I figured that if anyone could talk to me about how I'm feeling, it would be Mary Beth. And I figured that if she has gone on to become the temple director, there's hope that I'll eventually fit in too.

I explained to Mary Beth about the Rabbi at Shop rite, and she said something that caught me off guard - "No One FULLY observes Shabbat, it's almost not possible".

I found this confusing, but she went on to explain that there are apparently 613 commandments to properly observe Shabbat, and that to follow all of them to the letter, is difficult, so chances are I wasn't FULLY observing Shabbat. 

She also told me the next time that I run into a situation like that, that I should tell them that I'm working with my Rabbi to ensure that I practice within my current circumstances. 

Then here is what really hit home - she pointed out that some more orthodox Jews have strong feelings about non-Jews performing Mitvahs because it takes the chance away from a Jew to perform it. 

And I felt kind of relieved. 

She also then explained that I could have been in that same situation with a different Rabbi, and one would tell me I couldn't observe Shabbat fully. Another would've had a different thing I couldn't do fully, but would've been fine with me doing Shabbat....she said that it's pretty much subjective from Rabbi to Rabbi.

I asked her if she had every felt like she were in a weird middle ground - and she said all the time. But that you make your own way - you find your own place. 

But it's still hard. I look at my children - I'm here in a weird middle ground. But according to the Catholics, my children were born Jewish, and according to the Jews, they're catholic. While I'm stuck in the middle...they really don't seem to technically belong anywhere.

And Mary Beth told me that they will fit where ever I want them to fit. 

I have to take a moment to thank Mary Beth. Not just for taking the time to talk to me (which I did take up A LOT of her time...more than I had intended) but for sharing part of her journey with me. And I realized that even after I do go to the Mikvah, that I'm always going to be learning, and finding my place. 

I also have to thank the ladies of the membership committee for making me realize that I am "The Shabbat Shiksa". 

From here on out - I make my own way. And I can tell you this...I'll be snacking on Pondi Kesso the whole way.

Shalom!

Learning from LIVE-iticus

Today I had the opportunity to listen to one of the teacher's at our preschool talk about all the things she's learned over her career there. As she'll be taking over as interim-director of our temple, she will sadly not be returning next year to the preschool program.

She talked about all the lessons our children have taught her - the one that sticks out most in my mind is that:
"Hamster and Play dough, do NOT belong in the same sentence".

A few weeks ago we celebrated Shauv'ot. For those not familiar with this holiday, it is the day that Moses and the Hebrews received the Torah, and most famously the 10 commandments at Mt. Sinai. I had a long talk with Rabbi Roston about this holiday - debating whether Moses had actually received and written the ENTIRE Torah from G-d on that day, or if it was more of a spiritual awakening among the Hebrews and a revelation.

Whatever your thoughts toward the literally or figurative meaning of the holiday (which is actually very similar to the Christian Pentecost) you have probably heard a lot lately about one part of the Torah in particular - The Book of Leviticus.

Our friends at Wikipedia define it as -

...the third book of the Hebrew Bible, and the third of five books of the Torah (or Pentateuch).

The English name is from the Latin Leviticus, taken in turn from Greek and a reference to the Levites, the tribe from whom the priests were drawn. It would be wrong, however, to describe Leviticus simply as a manual for priests as it concerns itself, at least equally, with the role and duties of the laity.^[1]

Leviticus rests in two crucial beliefs: the first, that the world was created "very good" and retains the capacity to achieve that state although it is vulnerable to sin and defilement; the second, that the faithful enactment of ritual makes God's presence available, while ignoring or breaching it compromises the harmony between God and the world.^[2]

The traditional view is that Leviticus was compiled by Moses, or, in less extreme form, that the material in it goes back to his time.^[3] However, the tradition is comparatively late (it dates from Josephus, a 1st century AD historian),^[4] and scholars are practically unanimous that the book had a long period of growth, that it includes some material of considerable antiquity, and that it reached its present form in the Persian period (538-332 BC).^[5]

While that is LITERALLY what the book is, it is essentially an explanation of how to please G-d, and a code of what is holy. You are probably most familiar with this text as it is heavily quoted in the controversial same-sex marriage debate.

I am not here to debate same sex marriage - I have my beliefs on the topic, and frankly don't appreciate having others force their beliefs in my face, so I try not to do the same to them. With that said, I will leave the debate out of this and focus on my actual topic.

This book is essentially a code for people to live by - yes, it's thousands of years old. Our world has changed completely, and think about how our world is changing now.  When you, and even when I, went to school we were handed a stack of books (which my mother immediately covered in brown paper book covers to keep from damaging) with all the information we need for the year. (The best part was the math book that gave the answers to the even number questions, thus helping you cheat on half your homework...I mean, check your work...)

When I had my confirmation (or you had your Bar or Bat Mitzvah) I received a paper version of the bible (you probably got a Tanakh, and a nice Yad to read it with). But now - think about it. Paper books are slowly becoming a thing of the past. We communicate now more via facebook and other social networking sites that not only is email becoming passe but so is the US Postal Service.

When our children go to school - they probably won't have books. They'll have some type of tablet or e-reader. Teachers will collect homework electronically, and it will probably grade itself...

However, as times have changed, and things that were once taboo (like tattoos) are now becoming a norm, it is important to see that while times have changed...people haven't.

We experience a wide range of emotions - we have the same problems (relationships, politics, religion and taxes...) they've just been more complicated by the technology and age that we live in.

I am not an expert on life - in fact, there are some moments where I seriously sit here and attempt to figure out how I've managed to survive so far. And what makes it even more nerve racking is the fact that I have two beautiful children, who I love very much, and I try to lead by example for them.

This is my new philosophy when raising my children -

There are some parts of this book of the Torah that are hard to find a place for in our society today. There are even some commandments that seem to have gone by the wayside...

And while I think it's important as a society for us to have a set of values to adhere to,  I think that like all things they need to evolve. But - just as some must evolve, some will stay the same.

I'm not out to rewrite the Bible, or the Torah. But I am out to write the story of my life. And In it, there would definitely be a chapter like Leviticus. But It would be LIVE-iticus. On how to live, and live life to the fullest.


So Here is my LIVE-ictus -

- The world is a beautiful amazing place. We've complicated it. Take at least one day to travel somewhere and enjoy the world in the pure unspoiled way that G-d intended.
- Take a few minutes each day to focus on the things that make you happy. In fact, write them down, and as your day gets tough, pull the list from your pocket and remind yourself of those things.
- The Constitution said it - "Life, Liberty, The Pursuit of Happiness". If you haven't figured out what makes you happy, you have the liberty to find it, and then purse it with all you heart.
- Try to do one thing each day in the name of Tikun Olam (healing the world). Even if it's donating a dollar to some kids with a lemonade stand to help them achieve a little goal. Give up your seat on the subway...something, but do something that it completely selfless and makes someone else have a brighter day.
-Remember - everyone has their own burden to bare, and it can be heavy. Before you curse back at someone, remember that you don't know what they're going through (I need to remember this one sometimes more).
- We are all G-d's children, remember that.
- Jesus...whether you believe him to be the Messiah or not was at the least a Rabbi. He tells a fantastic story about 3 slaves, who were given Money by their master. One buries it, one spends it, and one doubles his master's money. The moral of the story - is do not hide the talents that G-d has given you. Share your talents, and when you can, share them freely. (see above Tikun Olam).
- Judge Slowly...I like to think of Hedy Lemar...you may remember her as the Topless Actress from the 30's, who went on to invent frequency hopping that saved countless lives during WWII....Judge SLOWLY (Thanks Mr. Wuhl)
-Remember that your children see you, and that they want to be like you (This becomes a horrifying idea as they get older...) It takes a few minutes to build a child up, and a second to tear them down. Be a great role model - and remember that it's easier to build a great child, then fix a broken Adult.
- Be the Shabbat candles. Be a light to those around you, not just on Shabbat, but everyday.
- End every night with a kiss and Laila Tov.
- Learn something new EVERY DAY.


Sit down now, and think about ways that you can help Tikun Olam. Think about the example you want to be in your personal life, your professional life, and your spiritual life. Ask questions - and never be too afraid to speak up.

I told Rabbi R that I was nervous because there was so much to learn - she admitted to me that she herself, as a Rabbi is still learning something new.

Teach your children - think about what's important to you that you want them to learn. Be involved in their education. Remember that love, hate and indifference are LEARNED. Focus on the right lessons.

Shalom!