Go Forth My Minyan!

So -
I met with Rabbi Roston on Sunday. I learned a lot.

It started with me asking her to read my last blog - I decided that since I went on about Pondi Kesso that I had to bring her some, so I made her two of my favorite varieties - garlic chive and sun dried tomato.

Fearing that my non-kosher bowl would make her not want to eat them, I cooked them and wrapped them in tin foil and hurried off to the schul. This is an artistic interpretation of what I looked like...

So I show up and give her the Pondi Kesso - and she's "not hungry".

Figures!

BUT - she has had Pondi Kesso and thinks they're AMAZING.

Only one word can describe how I felt at that moment - AMAZING.

Her reaction to my blog - "WHAT DOES HE MEAN YOU CAN'T OBSERVE SHABBAS? EVEN THE GOYEM OBSERVE SHABBAS, THEY JUST DO IT ON SUNDAY!"

We then entered the Q & A portion of my meeting...And there was something I wanted to ask her about. Our conversation went something like this...

Me - "Something happened on Friday...something fell on Shabbas and I wanted to ask what it was."

Rabbi R- "Yes, the Munich 11."

Me- "No, it had a Jewish Name. It's like - the day all this crappy stuff happened to Jews in History".

This was where she got quiet - She explained that the day I am referring to is

Tisha B'Av

 (Hebrew: תשעה באב‎ or ט׳ באב, "the Ninth of Av,") is an annual fast day in Judaism, named for the ninth day (Tisha) of the month of Av in the Hebrew calendar. The fast commemorates the destruction of both the First Temple and Second Temple in Jerusalem, which occurred about 655 years apart, but on the same Hebrew calendar date.^[1] Although primarily meant to commemorate the destruction of the Temples, it is also considered appropriate to commemorate other Jewish tragedies that occurred on this day, most notably the expulsion of the Jews from Spain in 1492, one of the concluding events of the Iberian Reconquista.^[2]Accordingly, the day has been called the "saddest day in Jewish history".^[3]


She then explained that it's a FAST day...she said "I was trying to avoid bringing it up, cause it sounds like you had a rough couple of days."

I learned a few important things -

1. My feelings are important to Rabbi R
2. It's wrong to bring your dietitian chocolates at your first meeting
3. It's wrong to bring you Rabbi food on Tisha B'av (even if it's kosher crack bread, I meant CHEESE bread)

Here is an artistic interpretation of how I felt at that moment -

So - We continued to talk and we established that YES I can go to Morning Minyan and as I suspected I don't count toward the qourum of 10 Jews (at least not yet!)

We also established that I needed a job title. My previous Job title - "Gentile" no longer fit my job description, but I haven't grown into my new role as "Jew" so we established that I am a "J.I.T. = JEW-in-TRAINING"!

There is apparently another term used - but for some reason this one has stuck with me... so I'm running with it people....kinda like this...

It wouldn't be fair not to include an artistic representation of Rabbi R -

(please mentally subtract wings and add brown hair and a KIPPAH)

So I am really pleased to say that this morning I attended a morning Minyan!

A Minyan is...

A minyan (Hebrew: מִנְיָן‎ lit. to count, number; pl. מִניָנִים minyanim) in Judaism refers to the quorum of ten Jewish adults required for certain religious obligations. According to many non-Orthodox streams of Judaism, adult females count in the minyan.^[1][2]

The most common activity requiring a minyan is public prayer. Accordingly, the term minyan in contemporary Judaism has taken on the secondary meaning of referring to a prayer service.

So That's This Many Jews...

and this morning...this many Shiksas...

So - at morning minyan you go through the prayers that are required to observe morning services. During these prayers you are required to wear a kippah, a Tallis or Tallith (you say tomato...) and Teffilin .

For some reason - the first time I saw the word "Teffilin" I thought it was Teflon and got excited because I thought - "Jews are so Crafty, they invented and wore Teflon!"

I just want to say that that is NOT the case. I also want to say that I read it the first time while incredibly tired, and possibly on Pondi Kesso...

To claim that Jews invented and wear teflon makes me look like this....

In reality - Tefillin are the cube-shaped black leather boxes, containing four scriptural passages, attached to the head and arm and worn during the morning prayers.

so - of course on the one morning I DON'T have to wake up at 4 am to work, I wake up at 7:30...giving me a whole 15 minutes to get up, get dressed and get to the temple. For some reason, I was completely freaking out about what to wear - so I guess you could say I kind of "dressed for church". I put on a nice dress, a cardigan and ran out the door.

Well - I missed the memo or the email and was probably the most overdressed person there. The only person dressed nicer than me was a guy going into work after we were done...

Now Rabbi R had told me to find a nice guy named "Sam" who would be my guide through the service. It wouldn't be far not to give Sam an artistic rendering so here's my new pal, Sam -

So - Sam did a great job of making me feel welcome. He grabbed me a Siddur (prayer book) and tried to explain the ins and outs of services.

In my opinion, Morning Minyan could be an Olympic Event. I don't think I've ever attended a prayer service, or any meeting of people for that matter that went this fast and had the routine down this pat.. And what made it confusing is that the siddur is in Hebrew on the right side, English on the left (which no on really reads) and some little pieces are transliterated (that's where they spell it out foe-net-ic-ly = )

Thank God for the person who used this particular siddur before me - they took pity on a poor girl and wrote in "SIT, STAND, and BOW" in the appropriate places so I didn't look completely stupid. 

Sam was also very helpful in telling me what pages we were on, as the service changes based on the days of the week, particular months and periods between seasons and also based on what number the hebrew year is divisible by (it's kind of confusing). 

Things I wish I had known before I walked in -

•  They collect Tzedakah during service. This is kind of like the collections in a catholic mass, however the group picks a needy local organization to donate the money to. Sam said last year they rasied $7,000 for a local organization (not too shabby)
• It is not standard to have TWO Tzadakah cups or boxes as this minyan did. I asked Sam what the significance was, and he explain it's roots - two people brought in cups, they liked both and used both. At first they were doing 1 local and 1 national charity but that was too much to track, but they still liked both cups...I can accept that.
• A function of the morning minyan is to say Kaddish. Kaddish is prayer usually said to break up sections of a service, but the most well known Kaddish is the Mourner's Kaddish which is said after the death of a friend or family member. Morning Minyans are used as a way for those in morning to meet with other Jews and pray for departed loved ones.
• Morning Minyan is not a fashion show.

After minyan we had breakfast! On Tuesdays they eat bagels and lox...in my future culinary studies, I will need to learn to like lox and eat less Pondi Kesso...maybe if they develop a lox and cream cheese one....hmmmm...

It was very short - but I really liked it. I can't even describe why. Maybe it's because it's a tradition. Sam was explaining to me that on certain days they take out the torah, and how this comes from the tradition of there being a market on those particular days.

This is definitely a service that I wan to learn more about - I plan on going back next Tuesday.

Here's to another adventure on my journey to become...

A Real Jew.

I'll just keep wising Upon a  -

Shalom!

Gentiles to the left of me - Jews to the Right...Here I am, Stuck In the Middle.

I apologize that I took a break from blogging.

My business celebrated it's 3 year Anniversary which may not sound like a big deal, but I own a franchise that has a 3 year minimum contract, so this marks the start of my new 3 year commitment. I'm pretty stoked.
If you're interested you can check my business out on facebook and view photos from the party as well!

So - lots has happened, I think the easiest way to explain this is in chronological order.

Right after my last blog, I met with Rabbi Roston, and she determined that too much of my Jewish study was coming from the internet. We were also on the subject of animals (I can't remember why) and she mentioned that feeding your animal before you yourself eat was a Mitzvah. So she gave me a book to read about Mitzvahs (here's a link to the book if you're interested).

So I began to learn about Mitvahs, focusing mostly on prayer (after I read about animals of course). As you've read in previous blogs, I'm very interested in learning and praying properly. So we've begun to incorporate prayer into our daily lives by saying the Shema with the children before bed, and in the morning as well as praying before meals. I also had lots of questions about prayer - do you were a kippah when you say the Shema? As a non-Jew, and non-member of the congregation was I allowed to attend a morning minyan to see what it's about?

This leads to a.....

FUNNY STORY!

I was out for a Mom's Night Out event and decide to get farshikkert (drunk as a skunk).

One of the moms in the group is more orthodox in her Judaism and I had leaned over and ask - "Hey Paula - Do you Shema With Your Kippah on?"

The following morning, everyone believe that they knew the "Jewish Word for Sex - It's SHEMA!"

Oye Ve!

Anyway -

Moving to the conflict in this bigger story.

I am OBSESSED with Pondi Kesso. Long story short - they're kosher gluten-free cheese breads. (The Garlic and Chive is AMAZING!)

I was in the frozen food section buying some, and have a TON of coupons cause the guy who did the sampling gave me enough to tie me over until Chanukah.

There was a Rabbi and his wife near the case where they keep the Pondi Kesso, and I was talking to them. It was Friday and I was shopping for Shabbas - and yes, I have Challah at my table on Fridays, but there must be crack in these cheese breads cause I like to have those too.

I offered the Rabbi a coupon for the cheese breads, but since he couldn't verify if the milk itself was kosher (which this whole thing upset me to the point that I emailed the company and YES it was) I understood that he wanted to pass on the breads.

He then asked me what congregation I belong to - and I explained that I don't belong to a congregation, but that I was in the process of converting with Rabbi R at Congregation Beth El. 

I then brought up my question about the morning minyan - and he said that I could attend during my conversion period, but obviously don't count toward the quorum of 10 Jews. He then said "You can participate and observe everything fully, EXCEPT SHABBAT".

WOOH! He just said that I couldn't fully observe Shabbat. But I was so shaken up that I didn't ask what he meant by that. And of course, I was afraid of him yelling at me (Since I had a shopping cart full of stuff for our weekly Shabbat dinner) and quickly grabbed my addictive cheese bread and RAN (with my coupon in hand).

This really bothered me - and I'm not sure if I can convey why. It's the first time during my journey into Judaism that I've felt like I didn't fit in that I wasn't at least considered a Jew-in-training. And what made it worse was the fact that I couldn't shake it.

That Sunday was our picnic for the temple - I was excited because it was an event that I had helped to plan (for the past few months I've been sitting in with the temple membership committee) and since we weren't members of the temple, it was my first real synagogue event. 

And I'm really sorry to say that I had a mixed time. And the sad part is that it was all because my head was completely messing with itself. I felt like I didn't belong - but it wasn't because anyone or anything happened that should have made me feel that way.

I just felt VERY aware that they were all Jews, and I wasn't. And I actually feel really crappy saying that because the other members of the committee (Sheryl, Marci, Lemor, Samantha, Dina, Aviva, Jessica and many others) all really tried to make me feel included, and were nothing but supportive.

I just felt like an impostor - a total poser. And I felt like taking part in it was in some way keeping other real Jew from being a part of it. 

And from there it got worse -

My husband's Aunt Sylvia died. Aunt Sylvia was one of the most amazing people I had ever met. She always had a compliment, always a smile, and this way of building you up. 

The first real Shabbat I hosted (which according to the Rabbi at Shop rite, I had no business hosting) and even thought it wasn't the world most perfect Shabbat, she was supportive, and praised my first efforts.

We went to her funeral which was PACKED with friends, and family at another near by temple. The Rabbi seemed nice, and had lots of wonderful things to say about her. 

We drove down to the cemetery and were among the first to arrive. This Jewish funeral was different from the only other one I've been to (my Aunt Marcia's). My Aunt Marcia's funeral was VERY reformed - we didn't touch ANYTHING. It was just a brief prayer service and Kaddish (Jewish prayer for the dead).

However, when we go to Aunt Sylvia's funeral there was a LARGE mound of dirt, with three shovels. I said to Sandy (my husband) "What's with this cemetery, they couldn't hide the dirt so people don't have to look at it?"

He then explained to me that it's a custom to take a handful of dirt and throw it on top of the coffin.

Now - most of the funerals I've been to, they hand you a flower to place on the casket. So this was news to me. I was also confused when they moved the coffin over and then IMMEDIATELY lowered it (also not common at a Christian Burial).

The Rabbi then explained to us that it was a MITZVAH to bury the dead (FOR THE RECORD...THIS WAS NOT IN THE BOOK RABBI ROSTON GAVE ME!)

 He explained that there were several shovels and that we should take them, beginning with the spade side DOWN and bury her until the casket was COMPLETELY COVERED. He also said that we were not to hand the shovel off to the next person, but put it back into the mound to show that we were  not eager to carry out this Mitzvah.

Now - I think I've mentioned that I don't do well with death. I usually need two Xanax just to get out of the car, forget actually BURYING SOMEONE.

I was in no way shape or form prepared for this. 

I also had that Rabbi from Shop rite in my head - was I allowed to take part in burying her since I wasn't Jewish. He said I could participate in other things, but for some odd reason I don't recall burying someone coming up while we were discussing Shabbas and kosher cheese bread.

And so I decided that since I wasn't about to ask the Rabbi there (cause he was focusing on making sure that the coffin was covered and I mean COVERED before the service continued...in 98 degree weather) that I would abstain from burying Aunt Sylvia.

And of course - it was eating at me. In wanting to embrace becoming Jewish and do God's commandments and follow the laws, I felt like I was almost breaking them just by observing because I am not Jewish.

And that's when it hit me what was REALLY bothering me.

I had reached this weird middle ground - where I am not catholic (at least I don't consider myself to be) but at the same time, I'm not technically Jewish (although because I wasn't born Jewish, to some I'll never be). I'm stuck in the middle, and thanks to my head, am doing a pretty good job of making sure that I feel completely alienated there.

I met with Mary Beth, our temple director, this past Monday. While my purpose of meeting with Mary Beth wasn't to talk about my feelings, I felt like she was the perfect person to talk to about it because she is also converted from Catholicism. I figured that if anyone could talk to me about how I'm feeling, it would be Mary Beth. And I figured that if she has gone on to become the temple director, there's hope that I'll eventually fit in too.

I explained to Mary Beth about the Rabbi at Shop rite, and she said something that caught me off guard - "No One FULLY observes Shabbat, it's almost not possible".

I found this confusing, but she went on to explain that there are apparently 613 commandments to properly observe Shabbat, and that to follow all of them to the letter, is difficult, so chances are I wasn't FULLY observing Shabbat. 

She also told me the next time that I run into a situation like that, that I should tell them that I'm working with my Rabbi to ensure that I practice within my current circumstances. 

Then here is what really hit home - she pointed out that some more orthodox Jews have strong feelings about non-Jews performing Mitvahs because it takes the chance away from a Jew to perform it. 

And I felt kind of relieved. 

She also then explained that I could have been in that same situation with a different Rabbi, and one would tell me I couldn't observe Shabbat fully. Another would've had a different thing I couldn't do fully, but would've been fine with me doing Shabbat....she said that it's pretty much subjective from Rabbi to Rabbi.

I asked her if she had every felt like she were in a weird middle ground - and she said all the time. But that you make your own way - you find your own place. 

But it's still hard. I look at my children - I'm here in a weird middle ground. But according to the Catholics, my children were born Jewish, and according to the Jews, they're catholic. While I'm stuck in the middle...they really don't seem to technically belong anywhere.

And Mary Beth told me that they will fit where ever I want them to fit. 

I have to take a moment to thank Mary Beth. Not just for taking the time to talk to me (which I did take up A LOT of her time...more than I had intended) but for sharing part of her journey with me. And I realized that even after I do go to the Mikvah, that I'm always going to be learning, and finding my place. 

I also have to thank the ladies of the membership committee for making me realize that I am "The Shabbat Shiksa". 

From here on out - I make my own way. And I can tell you this...I'll be snacking on Pondi Kesso the whole way.

Shalom!