And it Was Sufficient.

So - we're through the High Holidays, and made it through Sukkot and Simchat Torah. It was about this time last year that I finally began to think that I might be ready to start my conversion process. And now I'm reflecting back on the time that has passed since then.

I'm going to warn you that the first half of this blog is  more serious, and the second is more lighthearted.

I feel like I've study a lot of different topics, from the Holidays, Kashrut, and Mitzvot. But I told Rabbi R during our meeting the other day that I feel like I've studied, and read and don't know ANYTHING.

She said something that I think was meant to be reassuring. She said "I've studied for years and still don't feel like I know everything."

And it made me worry. As I've said before, I grew up Roman Catholic. When I was studying for confirmation you had to know EVERYTHING. And as someone who tries to be as knowledgeable about whatever subject I am studying, I never had came to the realization that the year of study for my conversion would be more of laying a foundation for a lifetime of study. 

And as I've spoken to more members of our congregation, and spoken with people about their Jewish education, I realized that we're all kind of in the same boat. Our education has been setup to teach us the fundamentals of what it means to observe the Jewish traditions and have a good understanding of the faith - your mission after you Bar/Bat Mitzvah or conversion (should you choose to accept it) is to spend your lifetime studying Torah, customs and mysticism and learn all you can (this message will NOT self-destruct.)

When I first began the process, one of the first books the Rabbi lent me was "Embracing Judaism as a Spiritual Practice - a Book of Life" by Michael Strassfeld.

I think the most interesting part of the book (or at least the one that stands out the most to me) is the introduction where he quotes Elie Wiesel's The Gates of the Forest. I'm going to let you read it, and then I'll fill you in on my reaction to it.

"When the great Rabbi Israel Baal Shem-Tov saw misfortune threatening the Jews, it was his custom to go into a certain part of the forest to meditate. There he would light a fire, say a special prayer, and the miracle would be accomplished and the misfortune averted. Later, when his disciple...had occasion...to intercede with heaven, he would go to the same place in the forest and say 'Master of the Universe, listen! I do not know how to light the fire, but I am still able to say the prayer.' Again the miracle would be accomplished.

"Still later, Rabbi Moshe-Lieb of Sasov, in order to save his people once more, would go into the forest and say: 'I do not know how to light the fire, I do not know the prayer, but I know the place and this must be sufficient.' It was sufficient and the miracle was accomplished.

"Then it fell to Rabbi Israel of Rizhyn to overcome misfortune. Sitting in his armchair, his head in his hands, he spoke to God: ' I am unable to light the fire and I do not know the prayer; I cannot even find the place in the forest. All I can do is to tell the story, and this must be sufficient.'

"And it was sufficient."

I read this, and thought to myself - well, I'm going to learn everything because for me that's sufficient for me. And I'm realizing now that I may need to let go of that. Because even in this story G-d is able to overlook your lackings, and embrace you for who you are able to be.

So - now we move to the more lighthearted....

So - at the end of my meeting with Rabbi R, she told me that I need to learn to read Hebrew...

She of course, presented me with The Hebrew Reading Crash Course. And all I could think was -

 "Can't I like...have a coloring book or something instead?"

And adding to our "sufficient" subject, she basically said that I was going to learn to read, THEN learn to select keywords I know and THEN comprehend. And we're back at that - foundation...

So - I mentioned before that I was learning to read Biblical Hebrew through http://www.memrize.com. I stopped because I realized that I didn't know how to speak what I was learning to read...guess I should have kept going....

At least she offered to find some people for me to form a Crash Course with...But I'd honestly rather go to...

HEBREW KINDERGARTEN!

Here we go...

AH as in Adonai....

CH as in the sound your throat makes when you have a fish bone stuck in it....

Shalom!