My parents are Irish and Italian and my Dad is very observant of holidays, traditions
and can even still say the entire mass in Latin.
For a long time I had actually given up on religion. The Catholic Church's views on things like abortion, birth control and homosexuality really didn't sit well with me. I couldn't be Catolic if I completely disagreed with some of the main political or ethical issues that are typically associated with being Catholic.
At the same time, I didn't think I could be protestant. Cause - deeper than the issues I had with the Church's teachings on those political issues, were my issues that I had with the core teachings of the faith. On Jesus, Mary and the idea of the trinity.
By the end of high school, I had stopped really practicing religion. But I was still looking for it - I was looking for something to believe in. I saw faith that my fellow students had, and was jealous. I saw them on 9-11 outside our dorm praying, asking for strength, asking for guidance and wished that I had faith like that.
Towards the end of college, I decided to take a class that had been highly recommended to me - Religion & Culture with Dr. Stephen Johnson at Montclair State. It was interesting cause it wasn't like any classes I had ever taken about religion.
Up until that point I had only taken classes at my church - this class had a different approach. It went thhrough religion, from the polytheistic to the rise Christianity. And what was great was that it explained the basic fundamental believes each faith had, as well as where they stood today.
I found a lot of things alarming about Christianity.
I learned that originally Christians were in fact Jews who kept kosher, and followed Jewish law (thick of Jews for Jesus). That the Council of Nicea was conducted in 325 where they debated and voted on Church teachings. From affirmin that Jesus was a deity, the idea of the trinity and to settle confusion and make uniform church teachings.
I also learned about how Jews had been persecuted because they were able to lend money for interest. Since Jews could lend money to gentiles and charge interest (which was forbidden for Christians to do) the Jews would lend money, charge interest and the monarchy would then heavily tax the Jews. It lead to people resenting Jews, and ultimately them being expelled from England, as well as other areas.
We learned about Islam, its origins and similiarities with Judaism, and helped me to understand and respect them during those heavily anti-mulism years.
Finally making our way through the Protestant Reformation, all the way to the Mormons.
It was incredible. I learned so much, and what made it great was that all the religions were presented in a way that respected all of them. No judgement was placed on any set of values as being superior or inferior to the others.
But it didn't answer my quest to find faith, or a set of believes.
I didn't explore religion too much then, but based on that class I knew that I was leaning towards Judaism.
I didn't give up on being Catholic though. That summer I went to Italy, and toured the Vatican.
During that trip I had a personal tragedy - I'd rather not talk about it.
But in that moment, I knew that I was done with Jesus.
When I was pregnant with my son, I had decided that I wanted him to pick his own religion. I had been raised Catholic, his father, Jewish and I didn't want to pressure him. I wanted him to learn about both sets of beliefs and make a deicision for himself.
He had a bris, and a baptism (comments to yourself).
Then a few months later, we welcomed a daughter.
But it wasn't until my son began attending Preschool at our Temple that I began to think that Judaism was the way to go for me.
I was interested in learning more about Jewish traidion. My son was doing Shabbat on Fridays at school, and was the "Shabbat Boy". My husband and I went to the school and watched him lead his friends in a Shabbat observance.
But it wasn't until the following year when he asked me "Mommy, why don't we do Shabbat at home?" That I finally was wondering - why don't we?
I hadn't been taking the kids to church - largely cause I didn't want to sit through it, and I didn't honestly think they would. But Shabbat can be done at home - so I figured we'd give it a shot.
The school has a program where you can sign-up to receive Challah every Friday throughout the year. We started doing it - and in the beginning it was really bad. I couldn't find my candlesticks, my kiddush cup....
But finally, we got it together. Then the Rabbi lent me a book "A Day Apart - Shabbat at Home" and it really helped...There were so many things about Shabbat that I simply didn't know. What little I knew of Shabbat had come from our son being the Shabbat Boy one Friday last year at preschool. What made it great, was that this book gave us little ways each week that we could add to our weekly Shabbat observance.
While I had mentioned to Rabbi Roston, that I was interested in converting, it never seemed that our schedules were jiving. There was one time that we had a meeting, and someone died. I didn't try too hard to reschedule, as I think that maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.
It wasn't until our preschool Chanukah Pajama Party, that I knew I was totally ready. I learned in that first meeting that I knew a lot more about Judaism then I had had really thought. I also felt a little overwhelmed by what I still had to learn. It's not an easy process - I think what makes becoming Jewish harder is that you have to at least learn to read transliterations of Hebrew, whereas Catholic and other Protestant sects are all in English.
(side note - my favorite note from the book that gave you a transliteration guide..."CH as in the sound you made while trying to dislodge a chicken bone from the roof of your mouth".)
I am really looking forward to continuing to learn, but it doesn't come without some concerns.
- I am slowly beginning to realize that I am becoming "More Jewish" than my husband, and even his family. Things that are important to me (like eating a completely Kosher meal for Passover) aren't important to them.
- I desperately want to be accepted by our congregation. I am realizing as I go more into this that this is probably a stress I have created for myself (as it turns out, the President-Elect for the Temple is a converted Jew, like I will be).
- As I go through this process, I have become fascinated about learning about ways in which Jews are persecuted. I realize that that sounds like a weird thing to be worried about. Truth be told, this comes from my mother, who strongly believes that my children should be raised Catholic (guess who ISN'T reading this blog...). I am a firm believer in the idea that hate is something learned - while growing up, I heard a lot of things said about different groups, some good, some bad. I've always attempted to make my own decisions - and I am hoping that as people like me have children, we will continue to raise children who are blind to the prejudices that have been perpetrated for centuries and see them for what they really are - unwarranted lies.
- That my family will think I betrayed them by not wanting to accept the faith they raised me with. If you are reading this Mom and Dad - this isn't about rejecting you. I respect the way you feel, I respect what you believe. You raised me to be a strong, independent thinker - if anything, this should prove to you that you did a great job.
So - here we go...the start of a long and incredible Journey....
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